Category: Manage Stress For Moms

How to Find Your Path and Embrace the Detours

Image of winding road. How to Find Your Path And Embrace the Detours

Did you choose the career you really wanted?

“My entire professional life has been very accidental,” said Julie Wittes Schlack, my friend and former colleague. We met to discuss the unconventional path that led to her career and new book. She was an instructional designer, turned business leader, activist and author.

It can take years to reconcile the assumptions we have about work. Many of us follow outdated rules or well-meaning parents into careers that don’t fit. Julie’s upbringing, however, encouraged bold choices. She shared, “My father was trying to be a good provider while hating every fucking second of it. My parents realized they needed a more meaningful life and left Montreal to reinvent themselves.” I laughed. She added, “… Well into my adulthood I realized not everyone reinvents their lives in their late thirties! It was the greatest gift they could give.”

Julie, blessed with many talents and interests, kept open to serendipity. Ignoring mainstream career advice feels rebellious. But if the ideal career is where aptitude, meets passion and purpose, how do we find it?

Continue reading “How to Find Your Path and Embrace the Detours” →
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What Happens in Your Marriage When You Try to Set Personal Boundaries?

Image of a male female couple in a divided circle for article What happens in your marriage when you try to set personal boundaries?

Coupled Moms who try to set limits get different reactions. However most experience extremes. They are either, rewarded with stronger connection or penalized with passive aggression, from their partners.

How does setting boundaries with your partner affect the relationship? Nearly 200 coupled Moms responded to this question anonymously. The results? Like everything-married-life, it’s complicated. Positive outcomes only slightly outpace negative ones for surveyed Moms. Trying to protect time and energy by renegotiating expectations with your spouse, gets tricky.

“It’s hard to ask for time for myself. When I do ask, even after a full day at work and taking care of the house and kids, I feel like my partner isn’t supportive. Even if he’s not doing anything productive himself. It makes me resentful.”

One surveyed Mom’s response

Did you understand how marriage would change after kids? Right. Few people do. Hours of togetherness become little scraps of Continue reading “What Happens in Your Marriage When You Try to Set Personal Boundaries?” →

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How to Build & Grow a Business! Expert Advice from Women Leaders

Image of Happy women celebrating! How to Build & Grow a Business! Expert Advice from Women Leaders

It’s a visceral experience to see a room full of women at a professional conference. The BlogHer Creator’s Summit where about 1,000 female founders gather to soak up inspiration, sharpen their vision and learn how to grow, was no exception.

Many have lost patience with the limitations of traditional work. Women increasingly opt to leap over, or tunnel under, the stubborn leadership gap by starting businesses.

Creators of all stripes, from celebrities like Sarah Jessica Parker and Diane Guerrero, to Entrepreneurs like Hannah Bronfman, CeCe Olisa and Gail Becker, spoke openly about everything they’ve Continue reading “How to Build & Grow a Business! Expert Advice from Women Leaders” →

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Wondering How to Honor Your Values With Better Boundaries?

Image of a design, Can You Design Better Boundaries In Your Life?

Use Design Thinking as a Tool to Prioritize Your Values

Pre-kids, self-care and personal growth fit into our ‘spare time.’ That extra space between activities. Perhaps after work and life’s other obligations. Post-kids, there is no extra space anymore, we have to make it. To make it, we must set boundaries.

Intellectually we understand this but working it into real life is different. After sharing results from the Personal Boundaries survey April Seifert, Entrepreneur, Psychologist and Supermom, took a group of us through a ‘Design Your Life For Values Based Boundaries’ webinar that blends the best of design thinking with psychology. Moms are hungry for more space. Why is making it so difficult? Just like assembling sippy cups, Pokémon® rules and the afterschool calendar, we must learn.

Does Your Calendar Reflect Your Values?

Moms generally power through the lists of ‘shoulds’ like machines. We ensure our families are well cared for and cut corners for ourselves. Relaxation is a foreign land we never visit. Protecting some time to take care of ourselves, when there isn’t any extra, means Continue reading “Wondering How to Honor Your Values With Better Boundaries?” →

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Have You Taken Time Out of The Workforce?

Image of The surprising little statistic about working motherhood

The surprising little statistic about working motherhood

“No one in my local community had kids yet. My Mom, and Mother-in-Law, were Stay-At-Home-Moms. I worked for an investment bank. The childcare options in my area would have added an hour to my commute and taken a huge percentage of my take home pay. We weren’t necessarily in the financial position to do it, but I said (to my husband,) I can’t leave this baby,” explained Claudia Reuter, my former colleague and Founder of The 43% Podcast. “I stepped out,” she said. Claudia didn’t return to work until nearly 3 years later. Did you know, nearly half of Mothers make this decision?

Build Your Own Flexibility

Claudia said, “After my second child, 23 months later, I realized Continue reading “Have You Taken Time Out of The Workforce?” →

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Yes, You Absolutely Can Raise Your Self-Care Bar

Image of women dancing for joy. Yes You Can Absolutely Raise Your Self-Care Bar

“I believe Mothers standing up for themselves is the highest form of self-care. Higher than any massage or relaxing sound machine,” Said Katherine Goldstein, an award-winning journalist and Founder of The Double Shift podcast. She added, “…Getting in touch with your anger, with your experience, is a powerful form of self-care. Forcing yourself to accept unfair treatment, unequal relationships and bad workplaces is what’s really causing people to feel like ‘I need self-care, I’m so stressed.’ If you have a partner, tell him he has to do some f*cking housework okay?” I laughed in agreement. Katherine said, “I know it’s easier said than done. It’s easier to recommend a Continue reading “Yes, You Absolutely Can Raise Your Self-Care Bar” →

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What Happens If You Lean in and Fall?

Image of woman standing and hands held high. What Happens if You Lean in and Fall?

How to Rebuild & Find Purpose In the Pivot

“I was all in on Lean In.” said Katherine. She added, “…I didn’t want to be held back and was totally convinced everyone else had this whole working Mom thing figured out except for me.” I nodded and remembered feeling the same way. “My son was born in 2015 with some pretty serious health problems. He’s doing great now but it was a stressful early time. Then, when he was 6 months old, I lost my job. Those twin crises really made me feel like a failure.”

The work-life collide is inevitable but jarring. Even if we’re aware of the Motherhood penalty, in our hyper-accountable culture, we expect better. We rarely discuss being passed over or pushed out at work. Why not?

Reframing Stigma

Most US Moms have breadwinning responsibilities. When things are bad at work, we still Continue reading “What Happens If You Lean in and Fall?” →

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It’s Time for Moms and Dads to Have an Open Conversation

Image of a man and woman having a discussion.

Share housework, childcare and the mental load with your partner!

Me: Visibly surprised to see my son on screen after calling to FaceTime with my husband. “Hi honey. You’re still up? Where’s your sister?”

Son: Moves the camera over an inch. “She’s right here.” My daughter, who doesn’t look up, is eating popcorn while staring intently at her iPad.

Me: “I actually called to talk to Daddy, can you put him on please?”

Husband: “Hey…”

Me: Hi. “Sooooo…. do you know what time it is?”

Husband: “It’s late, yes, I’m sorry.”

I ended the call frustrated. When traveling for work, I still micromanage from afar. Whether it’s homework, or bedtime, the routines fall apart if I’m away. I fret and we fight. I called earlier and spoke with the kids. This call, the after-bedtime-call, was to catch up with my husband.

My seat neighbor on the train looked at me, before he said, “If it makes you feel any better, we have that exact conversation in my family.” I smiled. Yes I  Continue reading “It’s Time for Moms and Dads to Have an Open Conversation” →

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Can You Stay Vulnerable & Emotionally Strong on the Public Stage?

Image of empty stage with spotlight in front of audience for, Can You Stay Vulnerable & Emotionally Strong on the Public Stage?

An interview with Kim McLarin

Building a Portfolio of Professional Interests

“I’m triaging so many things. It feels like my days are filled with ‘Yes, No, Maybe, Next,’” said Kim McLarin, accomplished journalist, author, professor and activist. I laughed and asked if she planned it this way. She nodded, “Yes, I wanted each component but, I’m doing a lot.”

Kim, like most, vacillates between feeling she’s doing too much or too little. Many of us want a portfolio of professional interests. Diversifying income can lead to better security and satisfaction. However, building the different work streams requires more than just adding a side-hustle. It’s transitioning from worker-bee to Empress. It’s showcasing your expertise as a speaker and content creator. It means stepping into the limelight while juggling plates that are already full. Many Moms, whose schedules are hostage to the illness-and-childcare gods, are wary of Continue reading “Can You Stay Vulnerable & Emotionally Strong on the Public Stage?” →

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