Couples Win When Mom’s Mental Load Is More Fairly Balanced

#MomsSelf-Care #ShareTheInvisibleWorkLoad #MentalLoadSurveyResults“I want to SMOOSH his face!  He is a teacher and is home for the summer, but I’m the one scheduling everything – he takes the girls to the appointments, but I have to be the one to set everything up. I work 50 hours a week and come home to a messy house, no dinner, and kids who want to run to Target. The thing is: they simply don’t ask him about haircuts or shampoo or sweatpants or whatever, so I do it all.”

Disillusioned 

In most households, the planning and logistics for all things kids and household falls to Mom.  One friend aptly described the mental load, “…it’s like having one thousand tabs open in your mind. All.the.time.” This imbalance leaves many partnered Moms feeling disconnected, disrespected, frustrated or lonely in their relationships.

When asked how the mental load affects the partnership with their spouse or significant other, 80% admit Continue reading “Couples Win When Mom’s Mental Load Is More Fairly Balanced”

3 Step Plan to Reduce Stress, Boost Joy & Reclaim Holiday Magic

#MomsSelf-Care #StressLessForHolidays #MomsHavingFun #FamilyJoy

The appliances looked iridescent, they kind of shimmered under all the flour. It was almost beautiful.  I tried to ignore the ache in my back. Every muscle needed rest.  I had one more batch of dough in the fridge and two sheets in the oven.  The smell of butter, chocolate, pecans and pine needles permeated our home. Wonderful, holiday smells… but I wanted to cry. I estimated another hour of hard-core cookie making before I could sleep and it was nearly midnight…every container was filled with cookies & I hadn’t even stared packing the glossy red tins yet. The baby would be up (again) to nurse.  I felt stuck in my own over-do.

That was two years ago. I have a hard time saying no and disappointing myself feels even worse than disappointing others. Continue reading “3 Step Plan to Reduce Stress, Boost Joy & Reclaim Holiday Magic”

Why The Mental Load Matters To Your Career!

#MomsSelf-Care #MentalLoadStress #MomsGrowth #MomsDevelopment

“Instead of arriving to work fresh I’ve been up for 4 hours, changed 2 poop diapers, brought one kid to camp, the other to daycare and feel successful if I managed not to leave my gym bag with one of the kids and have taken the baby’s bottle bag with me to work. I arrive to court at 9:00 am and I feel as though I’ve already slayed a dozen dragons! With any luck, there isn’t unidentified goop on my suit.”

The mental load is damaging the relationship to career for 62% of over 200 surveyed Moms*.   Many feel distracted, disengaged and hollowed out juggling work demands and everything-household.  After fighting for years to establish our professional selves, the double-bind of it all crushes the spirit and pulls the same precious energy needed to problem solve and innovate.  Essential skills to thrive in most careers.

There are limits to human attention and working memory.   If you’re paid for strategic solutions or deliver creative output, the mental load’s insistent tug competes for that cognitive space and presence.

“I could have lost my job about 2 years ago.  The stress was so bad from taking care of home and work…I was paralyzed with fear of doing it wrong.  I was diagnosed with ADHD (got meds for that) increased (my) anxiety and depression meds and started seeing a counselor.  That helped, but shortly after that I got pregnant with my second set of twins.” Continue reading “Why The Mental Load Matters To Your Career!”

Attention Working Moms, Live Happier & Healthier! Book Review for ‘Drop the Ball’ by Tiffany Dufu

 

#MomsSelf-Care #FixWorkingMomStress #MomsCareerHacks #MomsGrowthHacks

There’s a common refrain among the Moms I meet, the juggle of work and life is straining the fragile infrastructure we’ve cobbled together. After an extended time managing way-too-much, it’s clear the solution goes beyond clever prioritization. If you’ve felt pressure from wanting to pour all of your presence into those beautiful little people you’re raising while also managing a household and nurturing the career you’ve primed with years of effort, this book is for you. Continue reading “Attention Working Moms, Live Happier & Healthier! Book Review for ‘Drop the Ball’ by Tiffany Dufu”

Boost Happiness & Tame The Mental Load With Radical Self-Care

#MomsWeighIn #MomsSelf-Care #DitchTheInvisibleWorkLoad #Part2MentalLoadSurveyResults

Whether it’s hunched over the smartphone to block playground sunshine, pushing a stroller with one hand and fielding texts with the other or frantically muting grocery store noise during conference calls, Moms are working feverishly to fit ‘everything’ in.

Despite the slickest list-making, to-do-tackling tech out there, the volume and breadth of responsibilities that fall to most Moms – from salary negotiations to scheduling play dates — spills onto the mental list…competing with every other thought in our working memory.

The mental energy required to plan and track the logistics of modern households, drives the ‘mental load’ a persistent source of overwhelm for 98% of surveyed Moms.¹

“I’m short and snippy with others. I’m broody and just unhappy. I’m pissed at my husband and everyone around me because it’s all my burden to deal with and everyone else seems perfectly oblivious…” Continue reading “Boost Happiness & Tame The Mental Load With Radical Self-Care”

Beyond Burnout. How The Mental Load Affects Moms & What You Can Do About It!

#MomsWeighIn #MomsSelf-Care #TameTheInvisibleWorkLoad

Postcards From The Isle of Overwhelm  

98% of the Moms surveyed* feel stress from carrying the mental load, the always-on invisible to-do list that results from the ‘everything household and kids’ oversight handled by Mom in most families.

When asked ‘how do you know you’ve reached a point of burnout?’ the effects are felt everywhere – from a perpetually bad mood, impatience with children and loved ones, to hives and headaches.

  • 22% can tell by their change in mood
  • 21% of Moms notice changes in behavior
  • 7% experience physical changes as a result of mental load stress
  • And half (50%) experience some combination of all three.

“I leave my phone in the fridge. I know I ate lunch- but I forgot what I ate. Wait…did I really eat lunch? I find myself more short-tempered…yelling and frustrated. I’m typically very objective and non-emotional. Essentially, I’m pulled away from the core of who I am.” Continue reading “Beyond Burnout. How The Mental Load Affects Moms & What You Can Do About It!”

Quiet That Inner Voice & Make Time To Follow Your Passions!

#MomsGrowthHacks #MomsSelf-Care #MomsGettingImportantStuffDone

“Live as though your life depends on it. Today is critically important. After all, life is just a series of todays.” She looked at me unflinchingly as she said it. I paused… then nodded as I thought about the weight and beauty of her perspective.

Rethinking how to navigate your todays, based on life’s fragility, needn’t feel gloomy. Discussing April’s outlook and zeal for designing a life of intention radiates optimism.

A trained psychologist and healthcare researcher, she’s had a direct view into life’s impermanence and how people faced with terminal conditions assess choices they’ve made. “At the end of their time, people regret not seeing family, not taking risks or trying things.”

Noted. She had my full attention within the first 30 seconds of our call.

Who wouldn’t want greater presence with family, the pursuit of passion projects and personal growth? Continue reading “Quiet That Inner Voice & Make Time To Follow Your Passions!”

How Is the Mental Load Affecting Your Life? Share Your Thoughts!

#MomsHierarchySurvey #MomsWeighIn #DealingWithStress

I looked over at the baby monitor, noticing the increased brightness from the row of blue lights. Crossing the kitchen, to listen closely, I could hear my daughter stirring ever so slightly.   The sharp ‘hiss’ of the oatmeal volcano streaming over the saucepan’s edge interrupted my thoughts….

“Sh*t!” I dashed to lower the heat on the stove while rapidly stirring the offending bubble dome back into submission. Continue reading “How Is the Mental Load Affecting Your Life? Share Your Thoughts!”

List of Great Reads (& Listens)

#MomsGrowthHacks #MomsCreativity #GettingUnstuck #MomsLearningNewThings

I read (and listen) to a lot of amazing advice and research.  It’s a tremendous source of learning and support on my journey.  I was that little girl who would leave the library with a stack of books so high I could barely carry them.

I hope you enjoy my list of recent reads (or podcasts)  Continue reading “List of Great Reads (& Listens)”

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