Category: Parenting Hacks & Healthy Family Relationships

How To Create Healthy Relationships in a Culture of Toxicity

How To Create Healthy Relationships in a Culture of Toxicity article. Image of a group of women friends hugging.

What makes a relationship toxic? “They lack the following: empathy, compassion, respect, mutuality and reciprocity. And they may also include the following, invalidation, disrespect, gaslighting or insulting. It’s both what’s missing and what’s present,” said Dr. Ramani Durvasula, Author, Clinical Psychologist, Professor and Relationship Expert.

Our lives open to new levels of fulfillment with the relationships we have. And we all want satisfying careers, romantic partnerships and friendships, but it requires careful navigation. Maintaining self-love, confidence and respect, while balancing the needs of others gets tricky. How do we hold firmly onto our values, yet stay vulnerable enough to grow?

We discussed all of this and her newest book, “Don’t You Know Who I Am?”: How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility. Ramani, an expert on narcissistic abuse and champion for positive relationships, shares wisdom about how to protect our Continue reading “How To Create Healthy Relationships in a Culture of Toxicity” →

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It’s Time for Moms and Dads to Have an Open Conversation

Image of a man and woman having a discussion.

Share housework, childcare and the mental load with your partner!

Me: Visibly surprised to see my son on screen after calling to FaceTime with my husband. “Hi honey. You’re still up? Where’s your sister?”

Son: Moves the camera over an inch. “She’s right here.” My daughter, who doesn’t look up, is eating popcorn while staring intently at her iPad.

Me: “I actually called to talk to Daddy, can you put him on please?”

Husband: “Hey…”

Me: Hi. “Sooooo…. do you know what time it is?”

Husband: “It’s late, yes, I’m sorry.”

I ended the call frustrated. When traveling for work, I still micromanage from afar. Whether it’s homework, or bedtime, the routines fall apart if I’m away. I fret and we fight. I called earlier and spoke with the kids. This call, the after-bedtime-call, was to catch up with my husband.

My seat neighbor on the train looked at me, before he said, “If it makes you feel any better, we have that exact conversation in my family.” I smiled. Yes I  Continue reading “It’s Time for Moms and Dads to Have an Open Conversation” →

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What Happens When You Run Multiple-Businesses… at the Same Time?

What Happens When You Run Multiple Businesses...at the Same Time? Image of a woman sowing seeds for many businesses.

“The common thread among everything, is that I see a ‘hole,’ and create that thing that I want to have,” said Christine Koh. The Neuroscientist turned Blogger, turned Consultant and Online Retailer, has become an entrepreneurial savant. Creating products, that satisfy her own unmet needs, has led to running 5 (yep FIVE) ventures simultaneously. She notes, “I haven’t been trained in any of them. In all cases, (before starting) I asked (myself) will other people find it useful?”

Popular wisdom says ‘stick to your strengths’ and ‘ruthlessly focus.’ It’s reasonable advice…but what if it’s not working? Sticking to the wrong thing can limit your growth…or lead to burnout. We become so invested in our chosen fields. Work that fits post-college, may feel restrictive later, as we try to ascend and raise kids. Change is hard. Career change, in an unstable economy, can feel reckless. Many Moms linger in professional roles that have become stale. Tenure can buy that fragile, yet oh-so-valuable benefit, flexibility.

What if we have the drive, inclination and talent, to do something very different? Can we build our own flexibility? Christine still enjoys the challenge, variety and freedom that a constellation of professional interests creates.

Learn How You Learn Best

“In neuroscience, I was Continue reading “What Happens When You Run Multiple-Businesses… at the Same Time?” →

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What If You Could Pre-Empt This Year’s Holiday Stress? Two Things You Can Do Today!

Pre-Empt Holiday Stress & Make Holidays Better!

Pre-Empt This Year’s Holiday Stress

Yes. You heard me. Holiday stress. It’s the polar opposite of the joy we hope for. The holiday bliss every greeting card claims we are due. There are magic moments. We savor them, but briefly, in between the hard work of ‘magic making.’ Sometimes, the holidays are just stressful. An overscheduled, overwrought time when forced fun competes with our massive to-do list. The strain is enough to threaten every shred of patience we have.

If you sought the escape hatch, at least once in the past few months, I’d like to share a simple way to make the holidays work better next time.  Not perfect…but better. I tried this last year and it radically improved Continue reading “What If You Could Pre-Empt This Year’s Holiday Stress? Two Things You Can Do Today!” →

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How to be a Happier Parent? Embrace Self-Care!

Parenting hacks

Gratitude for our families doesn’t mean we’re always happy. Moms routinely give up self-care (yes including sleep) for the perceived greater good. We break so many promises to ourselves, that the excuses sound hollow, even inside our minds.  The consuming baby years, soon give way to demanding school-and-sport logistics. Finding free time feels like trying to breathe underwater. We grow distant from the passions that shaped our personalities. Over time, we forget how to have fun without our kids.

Most of us dwell in the land of never-done, a purgatory filled with managing email, picking up toys and cleaning the counters for the fifth time. It’s not surprising when, in most families, Moms are still responsible for all-things-children-and-household. Although it’s tempting to try to outsmart the to-do list, there’s a better way! I had the pleasure of speaking with KJ Dell’Antonia, Author and former Editor of the New York Times’ parenting blog, The Motherlode.

After writing about parenting, while raising four children of her own, she’s distilled practical wisdom about ‘How to Be a Happier Parent’ in her new book. Spoiler alert, carving out your happy is Continue reading “How to be a Happier Parent? Embrace Self-Care!” →

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Can Mindfulness & Modeling With Our Kids Overcome Impatience?

Mindful Moms image More patient present and mindful with our kids, even when facing mental load overwhelm.

Regain Presence Despite Mental Load Overwhelm

After conducting an anonymous survey with 225 Moms, to gauge how the ‘mental load’ from carrying the always-on to-do list, affects everything from careers to health and family relationships, 79% shared they experience increased anger, worry and distraction with their kids.

“…Throughout dinner and bedtime, I feel like I’m pushing my kids off, like ‘I’ll look at your picture…after I finish unloading the dishwasher,’ or ‘As soon as I’m done making your sandwich, I’ll be right there.’  All they want is my attention but I just don’t have it to give unless I want to do two hours of chores after they go to bed, which I don’t!  I try to get it all done before they go to bed…(after) I can take a shower, then sit down and rest.”

Mom Is A Utility

We preach the value of attentiveness and focus to our children. Yet unmade beds and unread messages vie for our mindshare. Constantly. In most families, Mom-energy powers everything from hugs to planning playdates…leaving little space for the trial, error or antics of childhood.

“They view me as regularly stressed… There’s really no full down time between what I need to do and the kids’ schedules.”

“I have less patience when I’m overburdened, which leads to being short tempered…and less engaged with them. I feel like I can’t stop and play Legos® or help with a craft because I have TOO MUCH TO DO!!!” Continue reading “Can Mindfulness & Modeling With Our Kids Overcome Impatience?” →

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Rewrite The Rules! Lighten Your Mental Load, Drop Mom Guilt & Live Your Values

mental load

#MomsSelf-Care #MomsLivingWithIntention #ResistMentalLoad

A Conversation With Tiffany Dufu, Author of Drop The Ball

“I am in tears and I am overwhelmed. I need help to get out of this place.”

Most moms experience despair at some point on the journey, however, few discuss it. It’s part of the unspoken pact we have with society. There’s so much to celebrate, that most conversation centers on the joy. We don’t talk about feeling fractured or how a lack of self-care leaves us eerily distanced from our identities.

When Tiffany Dufu realized the burden to control all things household was unsustainable without living with a heavy dose of resentment, she knew for the sake of her family and her marriage something needed to change. In her book, Drop the Ball, she artfully tells the story of moving from overwhelm to a more focused, fulfilled life by doing two major things. Continue reading “Rewrite The Rules! Lighten Your Mental Load, Drop Mom Guilt & Live Your Values” →

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Resist Holiday Excess!  3 Smart Strategies to Embrace Holiday Minimalism

Rejoice! Reduce! Embrace Holiday Minimalism Image

#MomsMinimizing #PureFamilyJoy #KeepTheLoveReduceTheStuff

“Last Christmas my daughter received so many presents she was actually tired of opening them. We became worried that in subsequent years she’d begin to expect so much.”  Stephanie explained she and her husband agreed to reduce the number of gifts for their children this year to four presents each.  “For our oldest, we’ll give her something she needs, something she wants, something to read, and something to do.”

I had the pleasure of meeting Stephanie and her youngest a couple of months ago.  A self-described incremental minimalist, she started a blog about simplifying life as a means of enjoying it more.  While working to curb holiday excess in her own home, she realized others are likely trying to do the same and began a ‘Holiday Challenge’ for Moms to share practical ways to minimize during holiday season.

Stuff-overload is a common parenting frustration.  From that first time traveling overnight with a baby to realizing your living space is mostly a playroom, Continue reading “Resist Holiday Excess!  3 Smart Strategies to Embrace Holiday Minimalism” →

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Beyond Burnout. How The Mental Load Affects Moms & What You Can Do About It!

Always On Mental Load For Moms

#MomsWeighIn #MomsSelf-Care #TameTheInvisibleWorkLoad

Postcards From The Isle of Overwhelm  

98% of the Moms surveyed* feel stress from carrying the mental load, the always-on invisible to-do list that results from the ‘everything household and kids’ oversight handled by Mom in most families.

When asked ‘how do you know you’ve reached a point of burnout?’ the effects are felt everywhere – from a perpetually bad mood, impatience with children and loved ones, to hives and headaches.

  • 22% can tell by their change in mood
  • 21% of Moms notice changes in behavior
  • 7% experience physical changes as a result of mental load stress
  • And half (50%) experience some combination of all three.

“I leave my phone in the fridge. I know I ate lunch- but I forgot what I ate. Wait…did I really eat lunch? I find myself more short-tempered…yelling and frustrated. I’m typically very objective and non-emotional. Essentially, I’m pulled away from the core of who I am.” Continue reading “Beyond Burnout. How The Mental Load Affects Moms & What You Can Do About It!” →

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