Boundary settings Archives - Best Mom Blogs For Self-Care | Mom's Hierarchy Of Needs

How Can Moms Set Boundaries Without Feeling Guilty? 

Six strategies to move past the dreaded mom-guilt

“…I realized I was a puppet. I tried to not hurt (others) feelings, but often mine were hurt…”

“… I’m a people pleaser by nature and I don’t want to disappoint. I’m better at meeting outer expectations versus inner.”

Moms already suffer from external pressure. Yet, we compound it, by poisoning our choices with self-doubt. Why do we feel so guilty about our decisions? Nearly 200 Moms responded to the Personal Boundaries survey and 12% said, guilt associated with trying to please or meet other people’s expectations, is what makes it hard to set healthy boundaries. As one surveyed Mom shared, “I struggle with this. I often do what pleases others, then feel resentful.”

I asked Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a Psychologist, Professor, Author, Supermom and Jedi-boundary-setter, about how we can conquer the emotional conflicts that surface when setting limits. She did not hold back with her candid and thoughtful observations!

Stare Down Resentment

Many of Ramani’s patients are parents. She said, “People feel guilty about putting resentment and kids in the same sentence.” So true! The Mom-role is among the most time-starved yet Continue reading “How Can Moms Set Boundaries Without Feeling Guilty? “

When Do You Keep Your Boundaries?

I reconnected with a friend and team-mate at the gym recently while running on neighboring treadmills. She had just returned from a work trip and shared she felt “happy to run” after a two-day absence.  Why the absence I asked?  She stayed with her in-laws and enjoyed the family visit, but missed the opportunity to workout.

That sparked a fascinating discussion about our bodies and our willingness to ‘cross’ boundaries we set for ourselves, mostly to adhere to other people’s expectations of us or comfort.

Moms often feel at the whim of everyone else’s claims to our bodies, time, attention, and energy. Why are we so willing to give up the precious little control we do have?

Where are your personal boundaries?

  • When do you stop pleasing and start protecting?
  • What are those times when to be ‘polite’ you have that piece of cake, cancel that workout, take that Friday meeting when you work Monday -Thursday …?
  • Why fill time with draining people or tasks when time is so limited?
  • When is it hard to make the best choices for ourselves? When is it easy?  What are your rules for this and why?

I would love your help putting context around how boundary setting (or lack thereof) is shaping our day to day lives.

Please take the survey, it will take less than 10 minutes of your time.

Thank you in advance for your help!

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