Ask for More! The Roadmap to Equal Partnership At Home

#MomsSelf-Care #ShareTheInvisibleWorkLoad #StrongCouplesBuildStrongFamilies

In most families, household and childcare logistics fall to Mom. The complexity of scheduling everything, from doctors appointments to play dates, is more laborious than you think. Stress, from juggling impossible schedules and the always-on mental to-do list, becomes oppressive. By the time we realize it’s unsustainable, we’re exhausted and desperate for relief.

Eventually, the epiphany that one person needn’t ‘own’ all of the kid and household planning in a two-adult family, brings hope. Until then, trying to renegotiate with our spouse, kicks off an unexpectedly draining and emotional chess match. Love for our kids is unconditional, but the spousal bond is different. We trust and commit with strings. We expect mutual support of our dreams and well-being.

“Even mothers who work for pay are still doing twice the amount of housework and child care as fathers,” Continue reading “Ask for More! The Roadmap to Equal Partnership At Home”

For the Love Of Food: 1 Chicken, 3 Easy Meals

#MomsSaveTimeCooking #KidAndGrownUpFriendlyFood #HealthyFamilyMeals

It took a while (ok years) to adjust from cooking, as a hobby (making battenburg cake, homemade cheese with my husband, perfecting my croissant dough) to cooking for sustenance (read speedier-to-cook-meals-the-whole-family-can-eat.)

Once I fully embraced this new normal, I started seeking opportunities to make it more enjoyable, delicious, mostly nutritious and yes, time-efficient.

Early on, I wrote a post about how I handle weekly meal planning because the ‘how do you cook everyday’ question is one I’m asked often.

I’d like to share one of my menu all-stars, the humble chicken. I know, I know…it’s not fancy Continue reading “For the Love Of Food: 1 Chicken, 3 Easy Meals”

Rewrite The Rules! Lighten Your Mental Load, Drop Mom Guilt & Live Your Values

#MomsSelf-Care #MomsLivingWithIntention #ResistMentalLoad

A Conversation With Tiffany Dufu, Author of Drop The Ball

“I am in tears and I am overwhelmed. I need help to get out of this place.”

Most moms experience despair at some point on the journey, however, few discuss it. It’s part of the unspoken pact we have with society. There’s so much to celebrate, that most conversation centers on the joy. We don’t talk about feeling fractured or how a lack of self-care leaves us eerily distanced from our identities.

When Tiffany Dufu realized the burden to control all things household was unsustainable without living with a heavy dose of resentment, she knew for the sake of her family and her marriage something needed to change. In her book, Drop the Ball, she artfully tells the story of moving from overwhelm to a more focused, fulfilled life by doing two major things. Continue reading “Rewrite The Rules! Lighten Your Mental Load, Drop Mom Guilt & Live Your Values”

Make Room For Your Goals! With Practical Tips and 3 Steps To Ruthless Time Blocking

#MomsSelf-Care #MomsLearningNewThings #MomsPutJoyOnTheAgenda

Discover the tools, techniques and thinking needed to energize your plan!

Learning, New Ideas and Changing Habits

“I want to tell you something.” She said it quietly, holding something tightly against her chest. “What’s that?” The girl’s teacher, Marie Levey-Pabst probed gently. The teen walked to the front of the classroom, held up ‘Speak’ an amazing young adult book, and beamed with pride.

I asked Marie, a seasoned teacher, to describe her experiences teaching new habits.  “This was a student who hadn’t done much in class until then. Her look, one I’d seen many times, said it all…‘this was the first book I finished, because I wanted to and now I want another one!’” How beautiful is that?

Marie’s student was not alone in struggling to build a reading habit. Humans struggle with change. US News reports only 20% of New Year’s resolutions are kept. More troubling, in an often referenced study by Dr. Edward Miller of John Hopkins only 1 in 10 critically ill patients made lifestyle changes to improve their chance at survival.
Continue reading “Make Room For Your Goals! With Practical Tips and 3 Steps To Ruthless Time Blocking”

Start The Year With Life Lessons From Inspiring Women!

#MomsSelf-Care #MomsPersonalGrowth #MomsBeingBold

Wisdom on leadership, growth, resilience, fearlessness, productivity, motherhood and equality from motivational leaders who spoke at the Massachusetts Conference For Women

Embrace the start of 2018 for it’s possibility! Whether you intend subtle shifts or a complete reset, the knowledge to accelerate your effort is out there.

I’ve been tuning into all of the learning I can find! I attended the Massachusetts Conference for Women, an annual event, with an amazing group of Mom friends and it’s the first conference I’ve invested in purely for my development (versus attending for my employer).

The investment was worth it. I continue to reflect on the powerful stories, from Viola Davis’ stirring keynote, to watching legend Gloria Steinem Continue reading “Start The Year With Life Lessons From Inspiring Women!”

Couples Win When Mom’s Mental Load Is More Fairly Balanced

#MomsSelf-Care #ShareTheInvisibleWorkLoad #MentalLoadSurveyResults“I want to SMOOSH his face!  He is a teacher and is home for the summer, but I’m the one scheduling everything – he takes the girls to the appointments, but I have to be the one to set everything up. I work 50 hours a week and come home to a messy house, no dinner, and kids who want to run to Target. The thing is: they simply don’t ask him about haircuts or shampoo or sweatpants or whatever, so I do it all.”

Disillusioned 

In most households, the planning and logistics for all things kids and household falls to Mom.  One friend aptly described the mental load, “…it’s like having one thousand tabs open in your mind. All.the.time.” This imbalance leaves many partnered Moms feeling disconnected, disrespected, frustrated or lonely in their relationships.

When asked how the mental load affects the partnership with their spouse or significant other, 80% admit Continue reading “Couples Win When Mom’s Mental Load Is More Fairly Balanced”

Why The Mental Load Matters To Your Career!

#MomsSelf-Care #MentalLoadStress #MomsGrowth #MomsDevelopment

“Instead of arriving to work fresh I’ve been up for 4 hours, changed 2 poop diapers, brought one kid to camp, the other to daycare and feel successful if I managed not to leave my gym bag with one of the kids and have taken the baby’s bottle bag with me to work. I arrive to court at 9:00 am and I feel as though I’ve already slayed a dozen dragons! With any luck, there isn’t unidentified goop on my suit.”

The mental load is damaging the relationship to career for 62% of over 200 surveyed Moms*.   Many feel distracted, disengaged and hollowed out juggling work demands and everything-household.  After fighting for years to establish our professional selves, the double-bind of it all crushes the spirit and pulls the same precious energy needed to problem solve and innovate.  Essential skills to thrive in most careers.

There are limits to human attention and working memory.   If you’re paid for strategic solutions or deliver creative output, the mental load’s insistent tug competes for that cognitive space and presence.

“I could have lost my job about 2 years ago.  The stress was so bad from taking care of home and work…I was paralyzed with fear of doing it wrong.  I was diagnosed with ADHD (got meds for that) increased (my) anxiety and depression meds and started seeing a counselor.  That helped, but shortly after that I got pregnant with my second set of twins.” Continue reading “Why The Mental Load Matters To Your Career!”

Don’t Hide In the Bathroom! How To Build Your Network & Control Your Destiny

#MomsSelf-Care #MomsCareerHacks #MomsGrowth #MomsDevelopment

“…At first I thought I was in the wrong job, it was very stressful and male dominated. Then, after changing jobs, I thought…well it must be (that I’m in) the wrong country and I moved to Europe!  Then, I considered perhaps I was in the wrong line of work.  It turns out, I love my line of work!  It took an ‘a-ha’ moment to realize the panic attacks and unhappiness that prompted me to keep quitting jobs was about how I was doing the work.”

I nodded, smiling as I listened to Morra Aarons-Mele, self-described ‘work/life rebel’ explain starting her own business.  “I didn’t want office politics, the BS… Continue reading “Don’t Hide In the Bathroom! How To Build Your Network & Control Your Destiny”

Attention Working Moms, Live Happier & Healthier! Book Review for ‘Drop the Ball’ by Tiffany Dufu

 

#MomsSelf-Care #FixWorkingMomStress #MomsCareerHacks #MomsGrowthHacks

There’s a common refrain among the Moms I meet, the juggle of work and life is straining the fragile infrastructure we’ve cobbled together. After an extended time managing way-too-much, it’s clear the solution goes beyond clever prioritization. If you’ve felt pressure from wanting to pour all of your presence into those beautiful little people you’re raising while also managing a household and nurturing the career you’ve primed with years of effort, this book is for you. Continue reading “Attention Working Moms, Live Happier & Healthier! Book Review for ‘Drop the Ball’ by Tiffany Dufu”

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