Make Space on Your Calendar for Smooth Childcare and School Transitions

We can’t escape childcare transitions. It doesn’t matter if your kids are teething, toddling, riding bikes or driving. Onboarding a new caregiver, teacher, sport, school or arts program, will have an impact on your family dynamics and schedules.

Back in the day, I identified as “organized.” Hyper organized really. Paperwork was filed into color coded folders and handwritten cards were always sent on time. But it changed when I went from one child to two, again when my kids entered school and after my career demands escalated.

Even the most type-A among us are often unprepared for the mental energy and time childcare, school, activities, homework help and character-building for kids takes. And the reality is, we can’t predict their every need at each stage, life can surprise us. We can, however, preempt some of the bedlam and learn to add more space through busy seasons.

Transitions Impact Your Mental Energy and Time

I’m sure you’re thinking, ‘wait you’re telling me I’m going to have to blow up my schedule even more?’ No, it doesn’t have to be incendiary. Many of us discover our schedules are packed too tight. Especially in the first two or three months after a childcare transition.

“Newness’ is exciting and exhausting. It’s fulfilling to watch our kids take their first steps, pick out backpacks, or write college essays. But new childcare arrangements or classrooms don’t only change things for our children, our routines change too.

And There is No “Perfect” Childcare

If you’ve been parenting for more than a minute, you already know all childcare fails when you least want or expect it to. The perfect preschool, daycare, nanny, au pair, afterschool program or grandparent set up, doesn’t exist. Until I worked in the childcare and eldercare industries, I was blissfully unaware of what happened behind the scenes. Of course this probably doesn’t surprise you unless you’re expecting your first.

Plan for Back up

You will likely need multiple forms of childcare coverage, paid or unpaid for much longer than you expect. Children are not self-managed for a long time and not every child becomes self-sufficient. Even when they can bathe themselves, they cannot transport themselves to dance class. Nor can they fill out the camp forms, permission slips, medical waivers or respond to the emails we are peppered with.

Larger employers often subsidize the cost of ‘back up care’ coverage, for kids or adults, for a fixed number of days per year. If you (or your spouse) have access to this benefit, put the plan’s website and phone number on your refrigerator, notes app or where you’ll remember it.

Divide and Conquer

If you are partnered, be proactive about dividing who takes the schedule hit when illnesses and sudden needs occur. In most families, when moms are partnered with dads they “own” most of the childcare. And are more likely to leave work early, reschedule meetings or cancel business trips when children are sick or care falls through. However, over time it can derail our careers, cost our families a fortune and deprive dads or co-parents opportunities to bond.

If you have local family, they’re probably already your ‘back up care’ or primary childcare. Talk to the trusted adults in your life about your needs before seasons of childcare change.

Allocate Homework Review Time

It never occurred to me that when my kids entered elementary school, every school day I would need to make sure they completed their homework accurately, legibly or that some ‘on the fly’ teaching might be necessary.

It doesn’t have to be you, it can be a partner, nanny, tutor, or grandparent. I’m fortunate my husband also does this, but we both have dynamic schedules and without a system, it can be disruptive. Consider your ideal time slots, i.e. before dinner or bedtime and block your calendars accordingly to reduce mental load.

And Set Calendar Blocks for School Events

If your kids are school aged, even in pre-school, there are a lot of parent events usually within the first month and at the end of the school year. If your child is in a new school, there’s often a site visit option within the first two weeks before school starts. And for older children, there are sports-related parent sessions, typically at night.

If your child(ren) are school-aged:

Get the annual school calendar (most schools post this online.)
Add to both family and professional calendars (for you and your partner if partnered) all days that are half-days or closures, right now. We have a ‘shared’ calendar and I ‘invite’ my partner, and set reminders for the kids school events or appointments.
Find out if you can get the classroom schedule for any early morning or evening events. Even if the teachers don’t have firm dates yet block off estimated times.
If you’re involved in pick up/drop off, block your professional calendar to accommodate commuting time, commuting failures, etc. For example, don’t do meetings after 4 pm for the first 6 weeks of back-to-school. Or block your calendar before 10:30 am, if you have discretion over your schedule.

Set Expectations with Colleagues

You may have to speak with your clients, colleagues or manager about shifts in your availability during busy seasons. Approach those discussions with a tangible ‘ask’ whether it’s grace, shifting project deadlines or being in less not-useful-but-mandatory meetings. Or anything synchronous that can overtake your calendar.

Create a Plan

Recommend specific strategies to prioritize critical work, and delegate, delay or let go of things that aren’t. Especially during the first month of back-to-school or transition to a new daycare, nanny, au pair or sitter. If you’re a business owner you may want to consider your staffing needs and request added support in advance.

Baby and Toddler Pre-School or Daycare Transitions

If you are moving your child into a new pre-school or daycare, you might have an option to have your child visit in advance. And then, gradually and increase time until they’re comfortable with the setting.

My kids were blissfully unaware of my teary goodbyes when they entered pre-school or kindergarten. They dove into play and didn’t look back. However, many kids are either terrified of going to school or unwilling to let their parents leave after drop-off. You won’t know until it’s time where your child lands on this continuum. If you’re entering a pre-school or daycare, the teachers will also have ideas to help ease the transition.

In-Home Care Transitions

If you have a new caregiver, nanny or sitter working in your home, the best advice I received from one of my childhood friends is to onboard that person gradually. Ideally, one month before they will start begin with a couple of hours. Then a half day or two before you start full-time. Especially if it’s return to work from parental leave. I’ve written more extensively in the past about becoming a household employer, there are lots of great resources to ensure thoughtful onboarding, compliance and a successful long-term relationship if you’re hiring in-home care.

Make sure that you are comfortable with how new caregivers interact with your family and if it’s feasible for your industry or role, ask for a remote or hybrid arrangement through the transition. If you work offsite, give yourself space to leave earlier or pop in for lunch or snack time visits, if possible to help you and your child(ren) adjust.

Tween and Teen Transitions

Again, I was under the misperception that once my kids were in late elementary or middle school it would be “easier” but it’s just different. If your child also has learning differences, or mental health needs like anxiety or depression, school can open a whole minefield of challenges and support needs. Consider blocking time for a monthly check in with your child’s teacher, guidance counselor, or school administrators.

During fall transitions for tweens or teens in sports, programs often start two or three weeks before the first day of school. So tailor your long weekends and end of summer vacation plans accordingly. And consider deadlines for registrations and healthcare records. If possible, get your hands on the sports schedule(s) in advance to untangle what the transportation needs will be for practices and games.

Academic or Mental Health Support

How much academic support does your child need? Create space on your calendar to check on homework, review problems, discuss the day or to navigate relationships with tutors or coaches. If your child receives support in person, factor in the commute. If your child is in or entering therapy, that is another important transition where you will want time to communicate with your child’s therapist on a frequent basis to ensure the treatment plan is progressing.

Plan to Make the Self-Care, Discretionary and Family Time

Do you have time alone? Adequate freedom to rest when you need to? Opportunities to play with your kids, or partner? Most of us do not. Follow cues to pause, re-invent, outsource, spouse source, upgrade your professional situation or seek help through transitions.

Whether you have access to a partner, grandparents, village of local besties or neighbors, share the workload with others whenever possible. Don’t feel like you have to plan alone, ask others for their network of trusted resources.

Use the buffer space on your calendar to address your own mental health, self-care routines and build in time for family activities. If you can’t use it for those things, you can repurpose it as you see fit to make time for deep work, learning or friendships.

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