“I believe Mothers standing up for themselves is the highest form of self-care. Higher than any massage or relaxing sound machine,” Said Katherine Goldstein, an award-winning journalist and Founder of The Double Shift podcast. She added, “…Getting in touch with your anger, with your experience, is a powerful form of self-care. Forcing yourself to accept unfair treatment, unequal relationships and bad workplaces is what’s really causing people to feel like ‘I need self-care, I’m so stressed.’ If you have a partner, tell him he has to do some f*cking housework okay?” I laughed in agreement. Katherine said, “I know it’s easier said than done. It’s easier to recommend a Continue reading “Yes, You Absolutely Can Raise Your Self-Care Bar”
How to Rebuild & Find Purpose In the Pivot
“I was all in on Lean In.” said Katherine. She added, “…I didn’t want to be held back and was totally convinced everyone else had this whole working Mom thing figured out except for me.” I nodded and remembered feeling the same way. “My son was born in 2015 with some pretty serious health problems. He’s doing great now but it was a stressful early time. Then, when he was 6 months old, I lost my job. Those twin crises really made me feel like a failure.”
The work-life collide is inevitable but jarring. Even if we’re aware of the Motherhood penalty, in our hyper-accountable culture, we expect better. We rarely discuss being passed over or pushed out at work. Why not?
Most US Moms have breadwinning responsibilities. When things are bad at work, we still Continue reading “What Happens If You Lean in and Fall?”
Share housework, childcare and the mental load with your partner!
Me: Visibly surprised to see my son on screen after calling to FaceTime with my husband. “Hi honey. You’re still up? Where’s your sister?”
Son: Moves the camera over an inch. “She’s right here.” My daughter, who doesn’t look up, is eating popcorn while staring intently at her iPad.
Me: “I actually called to talk to Daddy, can you put him on please?”
Me: Hi. “Sooooo…. do you know what time it is?”
Husband: “It’s late, yes, I’m sorry.”
I ended the call frustrated. When traveling for work, I still micromanage from afar. Whether it’s homework, or bedtime, the routines fall apart if I’m away. I fret and we fight. I called earlier and spoke with the kids. This call, the after-bedtime-call, was to catch up with my husband.
My seat neighbor on the train looked at me, before he said, “If it makes you feel any better, we have that exact conversation in my family.” I smiled. Yes I Continue reading “It’s Time for Moms and Dads to Have an Open Conversation”
An interview with Kim McLarin
Building a Portfolio of Professional Interests
“I’m triaging so many things. It feels like my days are filled with ‘Yes, No, Maybe, Next,’” said Kim McLarin, accomplished journalist, author, professor and activist. I laughed and asked if she planned it this way. She nodded, “Yes, I wanted each component but, I’m doing a lot.”
Kim, like most, vacillates between feeling she’s doing too much or too little. Many of us want a portfolio of professional interests. Diversifying income can lead to better security and satisfaction. However, building the different work streams requires more than just adding a side-hustle. It’s transitioning from worker-bee to Empress. It’s showcasing your expertise as a speaker and content creator. It means stepping into the limelight while juggling plates that are already full. Many Moms, whose schedules are hostage to the illness-and-childcare gods, are wary of Continue reading “Can You Stay Vulnerable & Emotionally Strong on the Public Stage?”
Last week I broke one of my time saving rules and roasted a whole fish on a weeknight. Truth be told, I wanted to lure my husband back to the dinner table. Although we’ve both been working long hours, he typically arrives later and has fallen into a habit of grabbing food at the office and skipping dinner. In favor of a late evening snack.
I want the whole family eating dinner together every night. It’s something I care about, even though it’s not always possible. And yes, with young kids, it’s also not very relaxing … but the routine and Continue reading “Roast Snapper Salad”
Work. Is. Different.
“I generally prioritize my family and work over myself,” admits one surveyed Mom. “I am the breadwinner … and turn myself inside out at work to try to keep my standing there. Then I come home and want as much time as I can have with my kids. And there’s little time left for me. I feel like my kids are little once and I can’t get the time with them back.”
Nearly 200 Moms shared their struggles, triumphs and feelings in the survey about setting personal boundaries. The context and consequences for drawing lines at work are different. Somewhere in the back of our minds, despite grim statistics about the motherhood penalty, we believe there’s a loophole. We were promised life without limits, and want to prove to ourselves that being great Moms while doing Continue reading “Is The Myth of ‘Having it All’ Hurting Our Work/Life Boundaries?”
We Need Capacity.
Capacity in the form of emotional space and mental energy to process all of the inputs.
Almost overnight, my kids have gone from needing my help to eat, to learning how the world works. It’s a fundamental shift. It’s more than just survival now, it’s teaching them to be good people. They have so many questions, like why are people happy or sad? When to defend yourself or walk away. Why are there different rules for boys and Continue reading “Can I Please Get More Capacity For Mother’s Day?”
Have you ever questioned yourself, or your sanity, navigating professional life post-kids?
You are in excellent company! Authors Sheryl Sandberg, Anne Marie Slaughter, Tiffany Dufu, Brigid Schulte, Shonda Rimes and Jessica Turner have all written about the challenges of ambition, identity and how professional life differs for Moms.
I’m surrounded by talented women. All of whom stitch together a patchwork-quilt of childcare coverage, while managing unrealistic expectations from employers, family members and sometimes, themselves!
We invest in and rely on our careers, but achieving stability and growth, still Continue reading “Killing it at Work but Completely Stressed in Life? You Need These Books!”
20 minutes or less. No fuss, One pan. Yes, seriously!
Sometimes you need a simple, yet deeply satisfying, ‘small’ meal. By small, I mean, for you. Perhaps for you and your children. My husband is traveling, which frees me up to play with small, ‘snack like’ foods for myself and ultra simple meals (read quesadillas) for the kids. After enjoying a few nights of crackers and cheese, then scrambled eggs for dinner, I decided to treat myself better tonight. Tonight, I made a proper meal.
This dish is easy to dial up, down or modify for more people. My little ones still consider chicken the Queen-of-protein, so I tend to keep it on hand, in all of it’s configurations. Breasts, thighs, on the bone, off the bone, whole … there’s a chicken for every occasion in my freezer. Tonight, I pulled out a single Continue reading “Roast chicken breast over warm pea, cauliflower, zucchini and spinach salad.”