How Can Moms be Free to Care for Themselves?

“(I need) a better mindset because unfortunately I’m in a constant state of mental exhaustion.”

“I have a preschooler who would climb back into my uterus if she thought it meant more time together and a newborn. So, I don’t have much if any free time to put my energy towards self-care.”

“(I) never have the free time. (I have) work that doesn’t accommodate me being a mother.”

Are you truly free when you can’t care for yourself? Declining wellbeing for moms isn’t new and US parents are among the least happy and most stressed globally. We’ve heard from over 3,700 parents, mostly mothers (97%) in our research study since March of 2020. Most equate real freedom with time for rest and recovery from life’s daily demands.

Self-care for moms isn’t just elusive, it’s worsening. In the past 5+ years, when Covid eased, the social, economic, and mental health crises, only escalated. Although mothers are brilliant problem solvers, there’s a mental and physical cost to choreograph family needs without much help. The systems of education and healthcare are capacity constrained putting more burden onto families to get specialists, IEP support or mental health needs for their children addressed.

Health for Moms is Declining

In our study mothers overwhelmingly (79%) cite doing “terribly” or “not as well as usual” at self-care in the most recent wave that began in January of 2023. This includes all of the ‘top of the Mom’s Hierarchy of Needs’ categories like: sleep, movement, stress management, learning and healthy adult relationships.

So it’s not surprising that in JAMA’s recent study, only 26% of mothers report having “excellent” mental health, a steep decline from 38% in 2016. Although physical health stats only dropped slightly, it’s roughly the same at only 24%.

Basic Self-Care Remains at Stake

In our study, when asked about self-care priorities, the desire for more freedom – especially in the form of space on the calendar, sleep, less guilt and no longer having to “pretend” that things are “fine”, rank high. In addition to other basics like personal hygiene, rest, hobbies, exercise and time with family and friends.

Including Discretionary Time

“I want to find ways to free up time for myself. I want to let go of things that don’t add meaning to my life.”

“Time. Kids taking most of free time and trying to balance my needs with what they need.”

“Free time away from the kids, more sleep, time to do things that aren’t focused on kids, work, or household needs.”

“Free time without responsibilities.”

Accessible Mental Healthcare

“Limited free time and anxiety caused by overstimulation from kids without breaks. I’m divorced and have my kids 50% but I get burnt out quickly when I can’t escape for even a few minutes when they’re with me.”

“Access to mental health care and help with my daughter. I’m a single parent.”

Accessible Childcare

“1 day of childcare a week to catch up on everything.”

“A babysitter. I need some Mommy time.”

“Free childcare.”

Flexible Work

“Not enough time in the day, 50 hours at work a week, 13 hours commute a week. Children are priorities over self-care.”

“Guilt free time off from work. I work in a hospital.”

Affordable Healthcare

“I don’t know what could help. Maybe free healthcare. I’m terrified someone in my family will get sick and we’ll go bankrupt.”

“Free healthcare.”

More Support

“I just don’t want to do everything alone anymore. My whole life I been on survival mode, and I just want to live what life I have left free and not worry about finances and worrying about my peers because it seems they figured life out. I just don’t want to work my life away anymore making other rich while I waste my time for cents waking up every day on this floating rock, I just want to escape.”

We want to boost our wellbeing, joy and fulfillment. Unfortunately, most mothers spin into service from the moment they open their eyes each morning and breaks are required to ease the journey.

Planned and unplanned priorities consume our calendars and when partnered with dads, moms still own the overwhelming majority of childcare and household work. Including the mental energy to plan, schedule, organize and notice what needs to be done at home, often while carrying to-do lists of similar length in the workplace.

Prevention is Part of the Answer

In a recent Alliance for Women’s Health and Prevention study, more than 40% of women surveyed had difficulty accessing their preventative care within the past year. Everything from skipping vaccines or seeing their OBGYN, and missing important health screenings. The top barriers, include “…not feeling the need to get preventive care (29%), not being able to afford the out-of-pocket costs (22%), and obligations such as work, school, and childcare (19%).”

So, Plan Ahead… for Yourself

Mental and physical health are linked, and mothers are already at greater risk for most stress-related illnesses. The years when we’re in the greatest demand for our children, aging parents, and careers, are also the years we need important screenings. Including to prevent heart disease or detect breast cancer, and skin cancer, early.

Real Freedom Includes Self-Care

Most mothers are busy honoring commitments they desperately wanted. Few anticipate how difficult it is to take even an hour or two for medical appointments, not to mention the hours that go into planning them. But an occasional night out, sporadic workouts or rushed salads in the car, aren’t sufficient antidotes to the stressors we face each day.

The higher your workload, stress level, or sadness, the more important it is to have preventative care is in the mix. This season, reclaim real freedom and start with your calendar. Set aside two 30-minute blocks (during business hours) to schedule the key medical appointments you need through year end.

Then, take space and start small for ongoing, daily routines – movement, quality sleep, nutrition that fuels your body and time to adjust your hormonal health as it changes.

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Enjoy the gift of more time for you. Self-care support, app & packages for Moms.