“The idea of balance is just too binary. As your life changes, it’s about constantly recalibrating to reach equilibrium that’s different from day-to-day. So, think about where you fall along this continuum, whether that’s in your career, role as a mother, wife, friend, sister or even as a woman inside of your own body. Where are you today? And how do you ensure you’re achieving an equilibrium that’s best for you?” said Erin Gallagher, Author, Entrepreneur and Hype Woman.
When something subtle in the routine shifts our energy, it can catch even the most organized and self-aware among us by surprise. New kid’s schedules, increased work demands, or illness can break the fragile infrastructure we put in place to care for ourselves. So, how do you manage to reset?
Disruptive Change Requires Self-Care
Finding the delicate mix of personal and professional systems to support your wellbeing and emotional regulation, is really hard. It requires unflinching self-regard, the mental energy to pivot and time to activate support. This is especially challenging for moms. We’re often riddled with guilt about time away from our children and try to stave off exhaustion with shards of unpredictable, discretionary time.
Erin and I spoke during the vast space between kid’s summer camp and back-to-school. And shortly before the launch of her groundbreaking new book, Hype Women. An ode to upending the status quo by unlocking growth and prosperity for women from within our community. So, instead of waiting to get tapped on the shoulder for that next promotion or board seat, it’s having an active tribe of “hype women” to accelerate your advancement.
Build Your Own Multi-Dimensional Practice
In the book, she describes the process of becoming a “Hype Woman” as both internal and external. Self-care, however, is at the heart of realizing its full potential. Erin explained, “Self-care doesn’t always mean that it’s inward facing. It can be a lot of different practices and the practice of hype, is actually soul-filling.”
There’s a lot of research about how good it feels to give to altruistic causes and help others. Yet, as we discussed in part one from our interview, amplifying the achievements of other women is still not the cultural norm. She explained, “In my book I say that women can’t stop lusting after or loathing other women’s bodies and lives, until they start loving their own. So, you can’t be a hype woman until you have started to do the work on yourself, believe that you’re worthy of hype and deserve support.”
When it Breaks, is it Structural or is it you?
Keeping family operations running, through busy seasons often means our self-care routines get disrupted. Yet, self-care is essential to manage the stress response. Is it a form of self-betrayal or just the flaws of too-fragile-infrastructure when it falls apart?
Erin said, “It’s both. I’m thinking, ‘how did I let this get taken away when it has been such a routine?’ Part of it is my husband’s normally working from home. So, the kids are here while he’s working, and I can go to yoga class. All of the things that help me regulate my nervous system have been taken away. And all the things that make it worse have been exacerbated and I have less patience.” Amen.
Nope, It’s Not Really About the Sheets
Erin said, “I was changing the sheets on another bed, another damn time feeling like I could never get ahead. And after 3 times in the dryer, the sheets just weren’t drying. I literally screamed into a pillow. It’s not the worst thing that’s ever happened to me but it’s the last thing that I could take yesterday.”
That breaking point can surface quickly and during the most mundane routines. She adds, “My husband comes upon me and says, ‘it’s just sheets. We can we can dry them again.’ So, I flipped out on him, in a somewhat calm way and said, ‘telling me to just put the sheets in the dryer again’ completely negates what is actually happening. That all of the things I put in place to help myself have been removed and new work continues to get added. This is the $10.9 trillion in unpaid labor that women bear the burden of every single year, that is death by 1,000 cuts.”
It’s About Dignity and Personhood
About 7 years ago, I read an amazing book Self-Reg by Dr. Stuart Shanker. Although it’s a parenting book, there are insights about what we all need to maintain emotional stability. Once you become a parent, prevention becomes more about your ecosystem than individual will. Sure, you may be super motivated to exercise or journal but without childcare and sufficient time, it’s not happening.
However, the freedom to move, breathe and reflect is protective for our mental, physical and emotional health. Yet women are still more likely to have to fight for space on the calendar. Erin said, “This is why it is so important to communicate, in this case with my spouse, about why this is necessary. I have a yoga studio that’s 30 minutes from my house. It’s not super convenient but I love the instructor and it’s what I do five days a week. It is on the calendar and as non-negotiable as a doctor’s appointment or in-person meeting.”
So, Defend Your Needs When Necessary
Erin explained that for most of her life, she treated exercise as optional. “It felt like an extracurricular that I could do without and now, I’ve decided this actually has to be a part of my day for me to be mentally and physically sound.”
The structure, however, shifted when her partner was called to work in the office more often. “I have an incredibly supportive husband, with my best interests in mind. And he asked, ‘well couldn’t you just do a virtual yoga at home?’ And theoretically, the answer is yes. But doing yoga, while my kids are also yelling, ‘can you give me a snack?’ and the dog is there, is not the same. He’s trying to figure out how to help but I’ve already explained what’s needed. These are the things that start to break down the infrastructure and the foundation you have laid for yourself.”
And Opt-In Your Forever Practice
Wellbeing and transformation require ongoing self-investment and self-care. And for many of us dedicated to shifting and improving macro systems, this self-care creates the capacity to withstand the uneven nature of change. Even though signing up for a lifetime of maintenance can feel daunting, it’s an integral part of the process.
Creating and understanding conditions that yield your most joyful, thoughtful and fulfilled self, becomes a habit. A positive one, that spills over into what you expect from yourself and those around you.
Many thanks to the talented Erin Gallagher!
Buy Erin’s amazing new book, Hype Women: Breaking Free From Mean Girls, Patriarchy and Systems Silencing You. Check out her website, And follow her great adventure on LinkedIn, Facebook, and Instagram,
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About Erin Gallagher:
Erin is the CEO + Founder of Ella (an inclusive network unlocking women’s access to human, social and financial capital), the Founder of the Hype Women Movement and Host of the Hype Women Podcast.
She brings 20 years experience leading global marketing, business development, media relations, branding, communications and organizational and culture change to the many roles she currently plays: small business owner, disruptor, entrepreneur, system-challenger and mother to two young boys.
She was named a 2023 Top 100 LinkedIn Creator and Top 10 DEI Voice (#5) and penned one of the Top 100 Most Influential LinkedIn Posts of the Decade. Erin has counseled The White House and C-suite and senior leaders at some of the world’s biggest and best brands and companies — from LinkedIn to United Airlines to Carhartt to McDonald’s, to name a few.
Through her work forging relationships with change makers and leaders who believe in the power of diversity, equity, inclusion and access, Erin has become (as one Global CMO so succinctly put it) “the not-so-secret weapon so many leaders count on to drive real change…she knows everyone.” Erin is the creator of The Fairway (Dinners, Membership and App): inclusive, intersectional, intimate spaces where every woman has a seat to give and get business.
