How to Channel Your, Strength, Time and Focus to Rise Above Fall Chaos

You’re probably no stranger to fall chaos. Whether you have an infant, toddler or high schooler, this is the season of more. More is on your calendar, between back-to-school messages, meetings, social and work events. You are more likely to navigate childcare transitions. And this all happens in parallel with year-end planning, cold season, and the steady ramp towards holidays.

And how you feel about this season depends not only on your lifestyle, career, and support systems, but your personality. Many of us feel exhausted. But tapping into your plan-ahead-vibe, can help you emerge with a bit more ease.

Life and parenting are dynamic. Although we can’t possibly ‘know’ everything we’ll need, we can contingency plan by creating more room for self-care and line up support over the next few months.

Decide On Your Highest Fall Priorities

You may want to give a TED talk, finish your manuscript, get promoted or learn to sew, before the year ends. And I applaud you fearlessly holding onto what fuels you. But if your calendar is set up for multiple clashes, activities that seem invigorating, can begin to drain you.

Too much, even when it’s with the projects, people, and priorities you love, is still too much. So, pick your top 2 or 3, things that matter most to your joy and stability this fall.

Yes, That Includes Self-Care

Moms default to drop self-care to make time for the never-done list. We know this and don’t need studies to explain what we’ve seen Mothers and Grandmothers do for generations. But understanding ‘why’ is important. I’ve been researching this dilemma for over 7 years. And the landmines most likely to undermine your wellness, are pretty consistent.

So, with awareness, you can preempt them. We have very little discretionary time, and it’s highly interruptible. Even when it’s available, many of us feel too guilty to use or protect it. So, a combination of: calendar blocking, proactive planning, and mindset management, will help.

So, Block the Time

What derails your self-care? When you think about everything you need for your mental, physical and emotional health, you may already know where the pitfalls are. So, set your calendar blocks now. After drop off, before they’re up, after pick up, lunch time, it doesn’t matter when, protect the space.

Choose self-care windows when you are most likely to have childcare and energy. This doesn’t have to be a tennis match or yoga class either, even if you love those things. It might mean you’re taking deep breaths for 10 minutes, journaling, or going for a walk, consistently.

And Release Any Guilt You May Feel

So, if you’re feeling squeamish, let’s banish any guilt you may feel about those calendar blocks. Moms are at greater risk for most stress-related illnesses. Not only anxiety and depression, but auto immune disorders, hypertension and fatal heart disease. Basically, if you go down in flames because you’re exhausted, under nourished and over stressed, it will derail your health. And anything that derails your health, damages your family and career.

Make Extra Space for Back-to-School Transitions

Are your kids making a big change this fall? Whether it’s kindergarten, middle school or senior year, your kids will probably need more from you. Often in the form of emotional, logistical or transportation support. So, hold onto the space for what feels critical and restorative for you and your kids.

Like unpacking the day, sharing meals, and monitoring their health. So, you’re armed with your top priorities, including your self-care calendar blocks and children’s transitions. Great! It’s time to spread the love and line up resources to assist.

And Line Up Support in Advance

Support can come in many forms. But consider your primary options, often that’s: spouse sourcing, if partnered, out sourcing, and eliminating items from your list. If you are partnered, and your partner is healthy, your partner should be your first stop to share the workload.

Outsourcing doesn’t have to mean paid help. Although if you can afford help with anything on your list, whether that’s grocery delivery, house cleaning, therapy or tutoring for your child, do it. And if you’re concerned paid support will jeopardize your financial wellbeing, consider allocating extra budget just through the fall. And there’s a lot of joy and benefit from activating your village.

It Does Not Have to Be Paid Help

Community, especially local community, is making a comeback. So, get creative about standing playdates with neighbors. Or tap into grandparent care and leverage community-based programs for more support. Especially if you are single and spouse-sourcing isn’t an option.

If you eliminate things from your list during this season, that doesn’t mean it’s forever. It might mean you pause for a few weeks or push projects into the new year. Revisiting infrastructure for your kids, career, health, wellbeing and homelife, is both a challenge and opportunity. After all, hasn’t something changed for you since this time last year?

If Partnered, Pick Your Lanes

We can’t ‘set and forget’ many things. Subscriptions become irrelevant. Kids outgrow their toys, and if you’re partnered, your household sharing arrangements may need an upgrade. The process of navigating an equitable split in an established relationship, especially if you are a Mom partnered with a Dad, can be fraught.

But there are brilliant books, like FairPlay, Drop the Ball, and Equal Partners with deep resources to unwind gendered norms. And there are experts you can enlist, like a couples coach or therapist. If you can improve your relationship and reduce your workload, keep your eyes on the prize. Time and money spent strategically now, can pay off with the long-term benefit.

And Be Proactive with Colleagues

Everyone needs flexibility at work, especially caregivers. But it’s not always easy to discuss or negotiate. It really depends on your industry, role and social power in that structure. But if you have a regular team meeting that overlaps pick up, drop off, the witching hour, bedtime or soccer practice, get ahead of it. It will not become easier.

So, if the psychological safety is there, speak with your manager or colleagues proactively about your needs. If not, consider help from within a formal Employee Resource Group. Or an informal group of colleagues, who are also combining care and career. If you’re in an organization with a Human Resources team, you may want to enlist their support.

Identify Key Dates and Coverage Lapses

If you have a nanny or in-home care, find out about her schedule through the busy fall and holiday season in advance. If your children are in daycare or school, there are many (many) days off during the fall between holidays, teacher meetings and early releases. So, put those dates onto your family calendar today. And ideally print one for a central spot like your refrigerator.

Do you have back-up childcare or eldercare coverage through your employer (or your spouse’s employer?) Go ahead and book those requests now. If you don’t, consider who is on point for coverage. If that’s you, you may also have access to local activities. For example, community programs that offer art, sports and other activities during school closures.

And Sync Up Your Calendars

If you are partnered, co-parenting, have a nanny or are fortunate to have grandparent care, align your calendars with people on your caregiving team. Make sure everyone knows what days or weeks they’re ‘on’ point for any deviations from the normal schedule. And this includes your schedule, hello work travel, and industry conferences.

If your children have sports, or other activities, note any deviations to those schedules as well. Communicate early and often to reduce the strain of having your calendar feel like it’s chasing you, on fire, for the next two months.

Use Change to Your Advantage

Change is a chance to set new norms or experiment. Whether that’s a firmer boundary with family, friends, colleagues or your kids. For example, you might choose to reset screentime rules to something a bit more, moderate. Or have your partner take on sports practices, meals, or laundry.

If you have local family, share the calendar-planning-Jenga, with as many people as you can. Depending on the age, health and independence of your kids, they may be able to upskill as well. If they’re school aged, there is something they can do and take pride in.

Okay, this may feel like a lot. But from my experience, being in the middle of the season and having to react to the many changes, adjustments and needs, in real-time is more stressful. So, planning is a lot of work. But, thought upfront it’s an investment to reduce the mental load, time and decision fatigue that can reach outrageous levels later.