“We cannot be everywhere and everything to all people, all the time. If you want to show up to work as a full-time employee, as if you have no kids and show up as home as a full-time Mom as if you have no job, and then show up as a wife, sister, and friend as if you have no other competing priorities; that is not possible. So, balls are going to be dropped.” Said Aja Evans, Financial Therapist, Author and Entrepreneur.
In most families Moms are on point most of the childcare, household work and mental energy to plan it all. And this uneven workload contributes to the stubborn wealth and wage gaps for women. We’re still underpaid and underrepresented in leadership, relative to our male peers. Often while we drown in the important yet unpaid work, for our families and communities.
Many of us emerged from the chaos of Covid into a punishing economic climate, only to feel stalled professionally. And way behind our financial goals. Aja shares how to recenter and approach the very emotional side of financial wellbeing in her new book Feel Good Finance.
Examine Tradeoffs Behind Your Financial Goals
Families continue to feel the post-pandemic squeeze, with skyrocketing childcare, eldercare and living costs. The consumer price index rose again this past year and so has credit card debt. It’s not surprising that many of us want to save or make more. Whether you envisioned an income boost from a promotion, sideline or business growth, each goal requires planning. And sustained action.
Aja said, “If you want to go for a bigger job with more money, I’m here for it. But sometimes, those bigger jobs also require bigger time commitments. If so, are you ready to pull that time from somewhere else? A lot of times we’re not ready to pull that time from our families. Then we end up pulling it from ourselves.”
And Prioritize Time Against Your Needs
Time and energy are limited resources. So, we have to revisit our commitments when adding something new. For example, if your goal is to get paid more, you may need to allocate time for a job search and networking. Or negotiation prep for better comp or new responsibilities at work. If you’re an entrepreneur, you may need to spend more time or resources on sales, marketing or business planning.
Aja said, “How do you strategically drop the balls you don’t need to be juggling right now? And do so in a way that you are not guilting yourself, shaming yourself or feeling bad that you cannot do all of the things, all of the time. Or all at once.”
Maintain or Increase Your Self-Care Routines
Moms routinely deprioritize self-care. Often out of guilt, lack of support or resources for the to-do list. Aja explained, “We end up saying, ‘Okay, I’m not going to work out.’ Or ‘I don’t have time to go to the doctor, time to catch up with my friends, exercise, or sleep, even though I know it fills my cup.’ And that’s just not okay.” Right.
Because you need energy to achieve new financial goals, especially if you want to boost your income. Countless studies validate thais. The creativity and clarity we need to remain truly productive, comes from caring for physical and mental health.
If You’re Often Stressed About Money, Find Out Why
Money is about much more than our account balances. Your life experiences, culture and how you were raised, all influence your financial world view. And possibly your outcomes. Aja explained, we need to examine what’s happening with our money. “Where are your values? Why you are spending so much or why are you saving so much? Do you feel like your security is in jeopardy and if so, how do we correct that?” She explained this process of getting honest with yourself, and if partnered doing this as a couple, is critical.
And Where Financial and Emotional Patterns Meet
Aja explained there are many emotional drivers behind financial behavior. “For example, with a spender it could be, ‘listen my self-esteem is in the garbage, and I feel really bad about myself. So, I keep buying these clothes hoping I’m going to feel better.’ Now that level of insight is pretty deep, not everybody has that.”
All of the budgeting software in the world, will not fix an underlying emotional or mental health need. So, if you’re consumed with worry, sadness, or if your partner is, consider support. If possible, begin to unwind the patterns with a financial therapist. Or mental health professional so, you can strengthen your overall mindset as you enter the planning process.
If Partnered, Get Aligned as a Couple
Many of us are making financial choices with a partner, which we discussed in part two from our interview. As Aja shared, disagreements about money, remains a top reason couples divorce. So, the stakes are high. And finding a way to manage your family’s financial needs effectively, is invaluable. So, if you’re married or partnered, have these discussions as a couple.
Aja said, “It involves asking a series of questions because you have to both get to the place where you have open lines of communication. And understand where your histories may be leading you down the path of saving or spending.”
So, if you’re distraught about your finances, pause and seek support. After all, there is no paint-by-numbers solution for financial wellbeing. Aja said, “I want people to really understand that it is really individual. Personal finance is personal and it’s also emotional and that’s okay. So, what works for you is literally the best for you.”
Many thanks to the talented Aja Evans!
Learn more about Aja’s financial therapy practice and check out her new book, Feel Good Finance. Follow her great adventure on Instagram and LinkedIn.
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About Aja:
Aja Evans is a board certified therapist, speaker, and consultant specializing in financial therapy. She is committed to assisting people in how they navigate the emotional side of money. Aja works to better incorporate how we speak, think, and build products for people that include both the logical and emotional parts of us.
In addition to her practice, Aja has a column “Finance in Focus” with Square and is a consultant to #FinTech companies looking to integrate how we feel and behave with money. She has been quoted in major news outlets such as The New York Times, Bloomberg, CNBC, and NerdWallet. Coined the “feel good financial therapist,” Aja is on a mission to get more people engaged in living their best life while attuning to their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors around money.
