“Although it may sound good to talk about diversity and support for women in the workplace, it costs in ways that companies are still not willing to pay. So, you find yourself with this tenuous but significant decision about what to do when things are not working out the way you thought,” said Chandra White-Cummings, Educator, Writer, and Social Justice Advocate.
Our careers are often the first place we connect our strengths to our identities in tangible ways. And it’s powerful. But after kids, we lose the ability and will, to pour every moment into our professional lives. So, workplace conditions, like how we’re compensated, mentored and treated, determine our likelihood to stay.
When Chandra found herself in a role that didn’t provide the flexibility or dignity she deserved, despite being a single Mom who wanted stability, she decided to upgrade. Many of us reach an inflection point in our careers. Especially when we face complexity and plot twists in our personal lives. But you can pause and reassess your needs at any point. Before choosing the direction for your next leap.
Paid Work Needs to be Meaningful
Long before the great resignation, we’ve had a fragile relationship to traditional work. Women are still on the wrong end of the wage, wealth and leadership gaps. Which not surprisingly, damages trust. And having the right pay, manager, and flexibility, becomes essential when caring for kids or adults.
According to an American Psychological Association study, more than 1 in 5 said their work harmed their mental health. Chandra said, “A good deal of my self-care is about things we don’t often categorize as self-care, like setting boundaries. And the boundary that really changed my life, was when I left the last law firm I worked for.”
And Honor Your Boundaries
Chandra took the job expecting to have some discretionary time, not just the compensation she needed. “I was working seven days a week for two years. I was coming home exhausted. Both my sons were out of school at this time. The challenge was making sure I had energy to care for my older son.” In part one from our interview, she shared how her older son had a stroke at age 9, which led to a series of medical emergencies and the need for ongoing care.
She explained, “There are neurological issues, and I didn’t have the money to pay to bring someone in to help. In my situation, the issue was really about my physical and mental well-being. I started having heart palpitations and increasing bouts of dizziness. I wasn’t eating well at all and ate almost every day at my desk. The stress was significant, unrelenting, and toxic. I knew I needed a way out.”
If it Doesn’t, Withdraw Your Consent
Chandra explained, “I found some money in an old account from my first job out of law school, after 20 years it was just sitting there! Suddenly I had a little bit of money that I could live off of for a minute. So, I put a boundary up.”
We often resist the new cognitive load that comes with career change. Because the transition can feel overwhelming. Especially when you’re also trying to manage caregiving and everything else. But if you’re routinely drained by your environment, change may be exactly what you need.
And Reframe What’s Acceptable
Chandra explained, “I decided, that there is not enough salary, prestige, benefits, or accolades for me to give them permission to wear me down to nothing. So, I put the stop sign up and will never again let a job deplete me that way for any reason.”
She added, “When I left that firm, I never looked back. As I was walking out the door, the owner said, ‘you know the door is always open’ and I thought, no it’s not, it’s closed. Not only am I never coming back to this firm but I’m never coming back to this life.”
If You Walk Away, Stay Flexible
Chandra said, “Some jobs that pay a lot of money go beyond my acceptable boundaries. And for me, that’s self-care, because it saved my life. Once my savings was gone, I had to make some sacrifices, and I returned to freelancing which I had already been doing off and on for over 10 years. And then I got the chance of a lifetime. My best friend called and said that her middle school needed a math teacher.” Career transitions, especially into a completely different field, are consuming. So, where can you find that reservoir of energy to go through it?
And Willing to Learn Something New
Chandra said, “I think we need to talk more about the role of faith in women’s journeys, considering the burdens we bear and things we encounter. I could not have done it without my faith in God, because I prayed a lot. And now I teach high school math and I also work on educational projects to make my contribution to the field of education.” Beautiful!
Because Your Professional Environment Matters
If you feel diminished in your professional setting, revisit your needs, look to your community, network or colleagues for support and find a path to better options. Women are at greater risk for anxiety, depression and most stress-related illnesses. Chronic stress is also corrosive to long-term health and remember, that burning out is not good for you, your family or your career.
Many thanks to the talented Chandra White-Cummings!
Follow her great adventure on Twitter.
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About Chandra:
Chandra White-Cummings believes in the portfolio approach to work, and pursues projects and vocations that reflect her skills, experiences, and deeply-motivating passions. She is currently a Math Leadership Fellow and I’d an Educator who specializes in students in under-resourced settings; her writing has been published in Washington Post, Christianity Today, and other outlets, and she was formerly Managing Editor of an online publication focused on Black mental health. She has done advocacy planning work with sickle cell organizations and is a member of a working group of the Rare Disease Diversity Coalition. Not least, she is a mom to two young adult sons both with chronic illnesses.
