How to Set Clear Boundaries With Direct, Yet Fun, Communication at Work

“When navigating the workspace, I had to tell myself being as direct and clear as possible is not rude. It’s the polite thing and we’ve been conditioned to believe otherwise, it’s actually rude to not tell people what you’re talking about. The most considerate thing you can do is let somebody know clearly where you are, what are you thinking and what you need in this moment,” said Terri Huggins-Hart, Journalist, Editorial Consultant and Advocate.

Intentional, clear communication is an important life-skill. However, doing so holds a lot of traps for mothers, especially in the workplace. In our professional lives there is nuance to how others receive our communication. Often based on how much positional or social power we have, the audience and context.

Whether you want to set clearer boundaries, build your empire, or get promoted, how you say “it” matters. Terri uses her skills, as a journalist and editor focused on identity-based communication, to help us reclaim intention and personality. Even to explain that we’re stepping away.

Who You Are is not “What You Do”

We are socialized early to be in service. Terri explained, “When you’re a kid, you are asked the question, ‘what do you want to be when you grow up?’ and we are shaped to answer that question with a profession. So, from the very start we are told our value is associated to what we can do for other people.”

Exactly but our value is not transactional. So, do you feel psychologically safe enough in your environments to open up?

Be Authentic, in a Way That Still Feels Safe

It’s not surprising, with the rise of cancel culture and deep ideological divisions, that many are reluctant to share the wrong details. But Terri said, “There is a way to communicate who you are in a safe way without sacrificing. For example, I consider myself a disability advocate. You may not feel safe enough to call yourself that, even though it’s core of who you are. So, depending on where I am, I may say, I’m really proud of helping my park become more accessible.”

So, advocating for people with disabilities is a badge of honor but she shares a personal example, of opening the door to the topic without using a label.

Choose What and How Much You Disclose

Making Terri’s local park more accessible was a huge win and something she spent over a year doing. However, you can share something about yourself, even if it’s an accomplishment or part of your identity, while still controlling how. You can tailor your message for your audience and personal comfort level.

Terri said, “You can describe it using an action as opposed to a specific title. So, people may say ‘what’s the harm in telling your mayor they need to put a communication board in the park?’ It’s definitely part of being a disability advocate. But you can say it in a way that allows you to feel safe.”

Break the Unwritten Rules of Ambiguity

We discussed how women are taught to be indirect as a ‘proxy’ for being polite. Terri said, “Tiptoeing around what your needs are is rude because think about what it’s like on the receiving end of an e-mail that says, ‘we need to talk’ in the subject line. Your heart drops you have no idea what’s going on. You think, am I in trouble? Because they were not clear. If that person had just put a little bit more detail in and said, ‘hey we need to have a meeting about the project, because it’s growing.’ Or whatever, it’s still short but gives a little context. That is a big part of creating psychological safety.”

Create Context and Connection

So, what about workplace boundaries? Many of us have experienced a lack of respect for paid time off. Where despite being “out of office” the non urgent requests continue to roll in. Terri, who is an architect of creative “out of office” messages said, “I love writing out-of-the-box out of office emails. I realized there’s so much potential for growth when you write it intentionally. So, when you want to tread carefully it’s still about deciding which details you want to share.”

She explained how people have a completely different reaction to learn you’re on your honeymoon, versus a regular vacation. And how you can say something meaningful about yourself with the out of office message.

Preserve Boundaries for Yourself

I asked Terri about how an intentional “out of office” can help reinforce boundaries many Mothers lack in their professional lives. “We’re have to revisit what we think about when we say boundaries. The term has a bad rap because people think about it as telling everybody else, what they’re allowed to do but honestly the boundaries are for you.”

Nice! She smiled, “You are telling you what you will not do in this time, other people can do whatever they want but decide, ‘this is how I will react’ to it. When I think of out of office emails, I’m writing myself a permission slip to say I will not answer any emails during the weekend. Now you can go ahead and e-mail me during the weekend, but I’m not answering because I created that boundary for me. So, first stop and think about how we are framing boundaries.”

Advocate and Inform

Paid leave is an issue that Terri advocates for as a volunteer because the US is the only developed nation without mandated paid family and medical leave. She said, “Instead of just saying ‘I will be out of the office for a month’ you could say, ‘I’m out of the office because I’m on maternity leave.’ That actually makes a big difference. It is still professional you’re not breaking any rules, and it gives people connection and helps with advocacy.”

She added, “I live in New Jersey and we’re fortunate to have paid leave for caregivers and parents, but a lot of states don’t have that. So, the simple act sends a message that it’s possible and somebody else is doing it. It may inspire somebody to speak to their Human Resource department or to look up their paid leave rights in the workspace.”

Give Yourself Permission to Step Away

It’s not your imagination. There can be very real, negative consequences, when mothers self-advocate in the workplace. Especially when we are still underrepresented in senior leadership.

Despite this, you need and deserve time to rest and care for yourself or your family. Terri said, “If you tried to go on a solo vacation for the very first time and couldn’t secure childcare, then you may think ‘It didn’t work out. Well, let’s forget about self-care.’ But you set yourself up for failure. Start small when honoring your needs and I like to think an out of office e-mail is the first step. This small action is a way to insert empowerment and self-care into your life.”

You can take back your agency, in small fun ways like out of office messages or email signatures! Thoughtful communication can preempt tensions, show your personality, and build bonds with your colleagues or clients.

Many thanks to the talented Terri Huggins-Hart!

Learn more about her work on her website and follow her great adventure on LinkedIn, and Instagram.

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About Terri:

Terri’s Superpower? She’s proudly too much…