“The struggles we have as moms were there before for many of us, but we didn’t feel them to the extreme that we do as moms. The reason is, being a mom puts the perfectionism expectations on steroids. So, we experience dependencies we had prior to having kids on a more intense level,” said Sarah Harmon, Licensed Therapist, Mindfulness and Yoga Teacher.
We embrace the changes our children need as they grow but often find it hard to make our own changes for better mental and physical health. Sarah, who is both a licensed therapist and yoga teacher, has watched many mothers tackle their goals. From better mental and physical health, to evolving past trauma and emerging with stronger wellbeing.
Tap Your Frustrations to Initiate Change
Sarah mentioned that many times, people make profound changes when they’re frustrated with a lack of progress. Or the slow drain of unhappiness. Are there other ways to be ready for change without being in crisis mode?
She said, “Even though having kids can be a contributor to the intensity they’re also the motivation. No matter what your history is, when you see your kids you think, ‘I want to do well. And I care about what I’m modeling for them’’ so that leads into this other piece that’s become an important part of my work.”
“Create” New Generational Cycles
Not everyone is blessed with the upbringing they deserved. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, “40 – 50% of people experience adversity during childhood that increases the risk for physical or emotional challenges when they grow up.” Many are forced to work through traumatic childhoods or events in the backdrop of their parenting journey.
Sarah said, “I have an estranged relationship with my mother right now so, a big part of the ‘School of Mom ’ is a group to support women who do not have relationships with their moms. Or they have strained relationships, due to mental illness, addictive personalities or whatever their situation may be. I consider myself a ‘cycle breaker’ but the way I like to invite people ‘in’ is from the perspective of cycle creating.”
Reconnect to What You Need
Sarah explains her philosophy behind the work, “We all have in us the inherent code of thriving. It’s in there and we just need to reconnect to it. You don’t need to create or break something; you just need to tap into something that’s already there.” Beautiful.
How easily you get back to “that state of thriving” depends on a lot of things. Including your environment, health, and resources. Sarah shares that wherever you are on this journey, there are many tools to help.
“Zoom Out” to Engage with a New Process
Sarah said, “I use the term ‘zoom out’ a lot because it helps to see things ‘bigger.’ Like when you go to the beach or get on a mountain and feel yourself in real time, right? Because when we’re in our homes and our kids may be driving us crazy, we’re like ‘I don’t have time for that.’ But when you take a moment, to be in the landscape of life in a deeper way, it’s inspiring and doesn’t feel so heavy.”
Choose to “Get Ready” for Change
If you’re overcoming difficulties from your past or present you don’t have to book airline tickets and plan a physical escape. It can be a mental ‘zoom out’ and ongoing commitment to mindful activities. When we pause the daily scramble, it’s easier to think about fulfillment and needs.
Sarah said, “You can reflect and say, ‘unlike my ancestors, I get to choose to look at these tendencies in me that are not working. They’re not serving me, and they didn’t serve my mom and they’re not going to serve my kids’ and so that for me is choosing readiness.”
Cultivate Your Life Like a Garden
You need skills and tools to build the life you want. Sarah said, “If we’re building a garden, we need some skills that are going to be helpful and constructive. And that’s the practice of mindfulness. Once you’re in your garden, one of the most important pieces is the soil and the roots. This is where we can look at the nervous system and the ancestral piece.
We say, ‘if we were a garden, to flourish we have to start with what’s underneath the soil.’” And if you’re overcoming trauma, or navigating mental health conditions, you may benefit from having a therapist help assess your needs and guide you through this process.
Growth Comes After Excavation
Looking at what’s really there, underneath our stressors, is the messy part. Some people do this with self-reflection, journaling, within a faith group or candid conversations with friends or family. However, group or individual therapy might serve you best. Especially if you have an underlying health condition or need to navigate something emotionally difficult or traumatic. Find what works for you.
Sarah describes “getting our hands dirty” is essential before moving forward. “It’s hard. Once we understand reasons we’ve had to clear out roots from our proverbial gardens, then it’s about planting, nourishing and creating. This is where it’s fun because you get to say, ‘well maybe I want gardenias or maybe I want a vegetable garden’ so, that is how I think about these practices.”
Tune into Your Body to Get Grounded
Sarah said, “I encourage moms to reflect on where they feel the most grounded and who they feel the most grounded with. For so many of us, nature is a ‘go to’ for grounding. And for me that is walking in nature, some gentle soft touch and movement.” Her specialty is mind/body work and she suggests paying close attention to what your body needs versus trying to follow a prescription on how to move.
She explains, “Follow your own lead because a lot of times we’re outsourcing our movement instead of asking our bodies, ‘how do you want to lead right now? What do you need?’ I don’t recommend yoga for everybody because I actually think it can keep you at this perpetual level of disconnection, depending on the class. Find some sort of environment or invitation for movement that helps you just tune in a little bit.”
Many thanks to the talented Sarah Harmon!
Learn more about Sarah’s program, Flourish. Check out the School of M.O.M., her therapy practice, and follow her great adventure on Instagram.
——-
Enjoy the gift of more time. Self-care packages for Moms, delivered to your door.
Ready to put yourself back onto your to-do list? Take a TimeCheck.
Shared your story yet? Take our quick survey to change how workplaces support parents.
Employers, ready to rewrite hidden workplace rules? Become Allies@Work
About Sarah:
Sarah Harmon, Founder, LMHC, EYT-200 is a licensed mental health therapist, yoga/mindfulness teacher, corporate wellness expert and founder of The School of MOM and Parent Wellness Group. Her passion is supporting people on their unique wellness journey with a holistic approach to mind and body wellness.
She currently lives in Massachusetts with her hilarious husband and two little daughters who keep her laughing every day. When she is not teaching yoga/mindfulness or working with individual or group clients, you will most likely find her somewhere outside, whether it’s sailing on the Boston Harbor or skiing in New England.
