“I know you have a lot of questions and although it’s scary for parents to hear, this is very treatable. I am available to do the follow up exam today but I’m leaving at noon.” The doctor explained during our call. My son had been navigating an injury for over a month so, I glanced at my watch to see if getting him from school to the specialist 45 minutes away, in less than 90 minutes, was even possible. It was tight but doable so I said, “I’ll take it.”
Okay, we almost didn’t make it but arrived just in time. One appointment became two, and the second one to a different specialist meant another hour of driving. Initially, GPS recommended a route that was all highways. However, early in our drive the map changed to avoid traffic. The new path involved winding our way through back roads. It said, ‘turn right here’ and ‘merge lanes there’ every few minutes. Although I’m an attentive driver, monitoring each new command for the turns in an unfamiliar area, felt overwhelming.
We had just returned from vacation, where I was mostly immobilized by the flu so, I was looking forward to having a day to decompress. Although I realize how lucky I am that my son was seen, navigating to two different medical facilities felt like too much that day. And I’ve been thinking about why. Was it from fatigue or resistance to navigating and absorbing yet another ‘new’ protocol?
How Much Change Can you Really Take?
Although you may have a “right amount” in mind, it’s not as if we get a lot of choice in the matter. Forced changes have thrown many of our long-held assumptions into question.
Every industry has pivoted multiple times post-pandemic. Our children’s needs constantly change. Moms still disproportionately carry mental load and decision fatigue from household operations. And our careers, health, and marriages can also shift unpredictably. Worse, it’s all happening in an uneven social, economic and political climate.
Personal Change Differs From Group Change
Okay, if you’ve ever tried to shift expectations with others, you already know managing group change is hard. It doesn’t matter if it’s your Thanksgiving menu or an org chart at work. Change fatigue in organizations, however, is a known risk. The Center for Creative Leadership defines it as, “… a state of exhaustion that occurs when individuals or organizations experience continuous, rapid, or overwhelming changes.”
Too much change at work leads to decreased motivation, productivity, and resistance to innovation. So, big employers have long invested in change management expertise. Largely to reduce the likelihood people will tune out or flip out over too many new initiatives. But what about ‘change management’ in our personal lives? How can we reduce the pitfalls and improve outcomes?
But We Can Modify Best Practices Organizations Use
In the world of organizational design, change management is a science because it’s so complicated. Done poorly, as the Society for Human Resource Management shares it can also lead to “stress, exhaustion and dissatisfaction.” So, there are accepted ways for organizations get to the root of real problems and apply evidence-based solutions. Also, to give people sufficient space, time, training and management support to assimilate the changes. Thankfully, in many ways personal change is easier. However, it still requires thoughtful understanding of your circumstances. And a candid lens on how much you’re really asking of yourself.
And Note ‘Good’ Changes are Still Changes
Remember how exciting it was to become a mom? But then how overwhelming it felt to adjust to postpartum lack of sleep, and those complicated instructions to make a swaddle? What about starting a career that you dreamed of entering or meeting your ideal life partner?
What if all of those anticipated milestones happened at the same time or when you were depleted? Being blessed with lots of positive changes, can still be hard to adjust to. So, if you hit every milestone and do so in record time, it can feel like “too much” too quickly.
Revised Pacing Can Improve Outcomes
It’s common for new initiatives within organizations to fail when implemented badly or at the wrong time. So, for discretionary changes in your life, consider your pace. How fast do you have to learn or implement that new thing?
And would moving the timeline for your goals by six months, or even a year, better serve you? For example, if your family is expanding and needs more physical space, yes, you probably need to upgrade where you live but does it have to be in a new part of the country? Perhaps completely uprooting (i.e., finding new friends, doctors, services and neighbors) will feel like too much. A new job may be exactly what you need. But if your current role is stable, be strategic about how and when you make a move.
Determine if There are Other Decision Makers
Are you the sole change agent? What’s required to achieve your desired outcomes? Sometimes we attack problems like they’re personal when they’re really not. Look at your infrastructure and expectations at home and in your professional life. Do you have the right support? Are there other people who can help? Do you have a partner and if so, can you revisit household roles? Can you engage a paid or unpaid village to be more involved?
Know that Transformation Can be Personal
If you want to start where you have the most agency, start with yourself. Personal transformation isn’t exactly “easy” either but it’s often the most accessible. It turns out, you can invest in all types of self-care to ease the stress of daily life through times of change. You can decide to walk for 10 or 15 minutes a day, even if that’s behind a stroller or up and down a hallway at home. You can decide to call or text a friend at least once a week. It doesn’t have to be a long conversation to feel fulfilling. Or you can decide to spend five minutes taking deep breaths or meditating between meetings. Or to read that book you’ve been eyeing on your nightstand, even if it’s a few pages a week.
So, be Patient with Yourself
In our research study we’ve seen how devastating difficult macro conditions are on self-trust and self-confidence. So, keep change fatigue on your radar as another factor that can undermine your efforts to feel at peace.
Remember, the changes you seek don’t have to happen quickly or be perfect to improve the conditions in your life. Just trust that where you have agency, you will begin to gain momentum.
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