Self-care, like self-reflection, often feels out of reach and maybe even a little bit rebellious. Like taking a mid-day nap or ignoring the onslaught of texts when you’re not in the mood to engage.
Caring for yourself is less about following a formula, than paying rapt attention to what you need in the short and long terms. Although exercising your agency can feel counter to the commitments of motherhood, it’s important to remind ourselves we still have it.
Whether it’s through research studies, events or on the playground, the mothers I hear from overwhelmingly want “more time” which often really means, having more control over it. And the freedom to build and adjust self-care practices in real time.
When asked, ‘what does self-care mean to you and how does it look in your life right now’ here’s what wonderful mom experts had to say. The definitions always vary. Whether it’s due to your season, health, kid’s needs, support infrastructure or resources, self-care has never been, nor should it be, one-size-fits all.
Our lives and the conditions we mother in are way too complex for that! So, please get inspired to reset and prepare for more fulfillment, joy and self-care time in the year ahead.
Protect Time for Rest, Healing and Self-Regulation
“I think self-care is protecting your time. And whatever you choose to do with that time, is totally up to you. When I had new babies, self-care was sitting in my bedroom closet for 5 minutes at 4:00 when everyone was losing their mind. I wasn’t going to go get my nails done, when what I actually needed was for my central nervous system to stop feeling like it was a wildfire.”
“Self-care is really listening to yourself and choosing to walk away from things. Self-care right now looks like cleaning off my desk because when I look at clutter I can’t focus on the work I need to do. Sometimes, it’s taking the dog for a walk because I have been staring at this blinking screen forever and ever. It’s saying on Sundays I do not open my e-mail. And on Friday nights, we have pizza and movie night with the kids and I’m fully present for that. I can’t be fully present for everything and it’s also recognizing that and being really honest about it, especially with my kids by saying, I would really like to but I can’t right now.”
Dr. Ashley Blackington, Entrepreneur, Board Certified Occupational Therapist and Caregiver Advocate
“Number one is just rest. Radical rest. We can’t really be creative or regulate if we’re not rested and so rest is a very strategic part of my self-care ritual. … It’s really important to lay down. So, I’ll lay down even if I don’t take a nap because it resets my nervous system. After 10 to 15 minutes of laying down, I can go for another few hours.”
Jyoti Jani, Author, Facilitator and Organizational Behavior Expert.
“I love to sleep! It’s my favorite thing to do and because I don’t sleep late in the morning, I’m really tired at night and going to sleep pretty early is one of my biggest forms of self-care. My dog, kids and husband are another…we always pour into each other.”
Sarah Muncey, Educator, Early Childhood Advocate and Leader
Spend Time in Community
“I split even self-care into different categories. Including the care that is solely for myself versus interpersonal and communal care. Like how I engage with my community at large, friends, family and the people I love.”
Akima Brown, Entrepreneur, Artist and Activist
“Sometimes just jumping onto a Zoom call with other practitioners in the middle of the day or meeting for breakfast or a lunch is another way to practice self-care because you’re connecting. And we know how important connection is to our well-being.”
Dr. Karen Wilson, Pediatric Neuropsychologist and Entrepreneur.
Invest in Your Learning and Growth
“I think about (self-care) as, what can I do or how can I think to help make me be my best self in most, if not all, situations. For me, taking time for a lot of physical activity helps me to ‘un stress’ but also stay healthy internally and externally. So, I play tennis a lot. I also like to continue to learn and do new things and so part of self-care is a continual journey to find new hobbies. I want to take up drawing, gardening and plan to take up the cello again. Those kinds of things keep me going and to me, that is taking care of myself.”
Dr. Jennifer Jenkins, Physician and Board-Certified Dermatologist
“…I have been super intentional about choosing to attend courses. I check the family schedule first, and say to my hubby, ‘I’d like to go to this class on this day, do you see any conflicts?’ Or sometimes, it’s ‘hey can you do 2 separate pickups for the kids on this date so that I can accommodate this session?’ I’ve had the opportunity to attend a sound bath on the beach and a yoga workshop this summer. It seems small but I make sure to schedule time for really meaningful things, even if I can’t do that every day.”
Valerie Abrigo Rivera, Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Reiki, Yoga and Sound Bath Practitioner
“I make time in my personal development plan for relational learning because I’m learning from other mothers. Like my girlfriends and women colleagues. So often, working moms become isolated in the 9:00 to 5:00 cycle of ‘I’ve got to get to work, I have to pick up the kids’ and we already know we don’t make time for self-care, but we also don’t make time for learning.”
Dr. Lynn Perry Wooten, Author, Educator and University President
You probably talked yourself out of self-care this week at least once. But we all need time at the top of the Mom’s Hierarchy of Needs more often especially through this busy season. Allow yourself to have goals, needs and experience the relief that comes from choosing to reset or refine your path.
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📚 Buy the new book, Repair with Self-Care: Your Guide to the Mom’s Hierarchy of Needs.
Enjoy the gift of more time for wellbeing and growth. Plus delightful self-care packages for Moms, delivered to your door.
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