?I’ve worked a lot in my own inner landscape, to break away from the cultural trances around all the numbers. Around time, income, weight, or age as being related to identity or worthiness,? said Tara-Nicholle Kirke, Author, Self-Mastery Guide and Spiritual Strategist.
Color inside of the lines, don?t be too loud or too much. And surrender with a smile. We?ve all heard it. The unofficial handbook, to find success and happiness, means abandoning our needs and instincts. Of course, it doesn?t work this way for most of us.
The promise of compliance leading to a tidy life journey, is fiction. And through years of research and work in the field of human potential, Tara has learned a lot. Especially about what enables and limits personal transformation. And how to claim an aligned path to a purpose-rich, experience. One that meets our emotional, spiritual, and financial needs. So, where do you start?
Challenge Your World View
Tara said, ?Past generations mostly felt they were playing that hand that life or God dealt. But now the paradigm shift, that if you mostly feel bad in your life, you can do something about it, has started to enter mass consciousness" Most of us were raised to expect joyful lives without friction. But after having kids, the time and identity shift, forces many to reconcile those ideals with a new reality. And that can be very uncomfortable.
And What ?Achievement? Really Means
Tara said, ?You don?t earn your place on the planet by achieving success chips. Like the chore chart you give to little kids. Let?s stop the madness!? She explained how the current success markers rarely favor us or make us feel good about ourselves. Yet self-love and trust, are important ingredients in personal change. She explained, ?There are probably only five guys out there who are like, ?yes!? This story doesn’t serve Moms. So, knowing that is scary and freeing at the same time" How can you measure yourself differently?
Free Yourself from the Illusion of Safety
?We raise our kids to think if you get good grades, then you’ll get into the right college. Then if you get into the right college, you?ll choose the right jobs. If you get the right job, you won’t die. There’s something wrong with that,? Tara said. Our culture inspires us to believe following elaborate rules offers physical, financial, and social safety. But what happens when you understand there aren?t guarantees? She said, ?I tell my friends, to just unsubscribe from that! Literally unsubscribe from whatever that cultural newsletter is"
And Unsubscribe from Guilt
A shift in priorities is inherent with growth. And sometimes that shift inward, to assess your next steps, can feel like turning away from our other responsibilities. Like our families. Can we go through this process without guilt? Tara said, ?Does it sometimes feel as though to reclaim your own time, energy, focus, attention, or life force, that you will take it away from your kids? Well, you will take it away from something. You?ve got to. But it?s not finite. And you?ll create more of those resources when you spend more time in your own zone of genius. Which is doing the things that you are great at"
Invest in Learning. About Yourself
Tara said, ?The more you learn about your own wiring, and that can be anything from understanding what introverts or extroverts really are. To what your archetypes or attachment styles are, the more you can set your life up accordingly. So, the more energy and time you feel like you get. Because you’re not doing things that are defeating and draining" This is an opportunity to reassess your choices. From the basics like career, work environment and interests, to deeper changes. Like where you live, your partnership and friendships.
Create Space for Your Needs
Tara said, ?I have an interesting perspective on this because I have children who are 30, 29 and four. So, with the older kids, I’ve been in that time scarcity lie. It felt like, every moment I spent away from them was a spiritual loss. So, I should be with them for the maximum hours and moments of their lives" Sigh. We?ve all been there.
She added, ?I can really go there. But they need time away from you too. And you need time, so that you can be at your best when you’re with them. Because if you?re in a chronic state of unfulfillment, discontent or depletion, then 100% you’re not doing them any favors" How did Tara shift her mindset with her youngest?
Reimagine the Role of Childcare
Tara explained, ?With my daughter, I just enjoy being around her. So, it was almost like that scarcity story was even stronger. And then I read this article in the New York Times, written by a single Dad. Where he said his Mother reminded him all the time, the more people who loved his children the better. So, he made that a priority. And I remember thinking, what a beautiful way for me to start thinking about this" It?s a big shift. She added, ?It changed everything about how I was thinking about her childcare and the people she was with"
Curate Enriching Experiences for Your Kids
Tara explained, ?I went from being focused on background checks to setting the intention to find a Zen Buddist Mary Poppins who is going to love my kid. And she’s going to love their time together because they’re going to have adventures and she’ll learn stuff. So, not only is the time away from me, not bad. But time she spends with this caregiver is additive and beneficial to her life in a way that I can’t even be all of" When we curate our children?s experiences, not only with sports or classes but people they meet, it reduces pressure. And contributes to their growth.
And a Fulfilling Life for Yourself
?When you shift the energy of that it frees you up. Carl Jung once said, ?the greatest burden a child must bear is?the unlived life of its parents" And my kid who loves to be with me, knows I love to be with her. And that in general, I prefer to be with her. But I also need to make sure that I’m not in the position of being resentful of time with her, because I?m not doing the things I need to do. Like working, because I do work that I love, which is also important"
Tara models what she writes, studies and coaches about. As the founder of multiple businesses, with a preschooler, she finds experiences that work for both of them. She recently took her daughter to visit the Frida Kahlo museum. She said, ?We travel a lot and I’ve been very intentional about the trips we take. I know that to be fulfilled, I need to be in this world. And it will probably make her a better person too"
Including Self-Care
In addition to her travel experiences, Tara integrates self-care within her daily life. ?That includes time in the hot tub, steam room and time at the gym. And lunches with sparkling rose and conversations that feed me. So, when I?m in in the room with my daughter, I am in the room. And replenished because I take freaking good care of myself when I’m not with her" Amen!
On the days that feel dismal, and we all face those days, remember you still get to choose our own adventure. And transformation, to align your life to feel more joyful, is a process. But it?s one that?s available to you. Tara said, ?Once you understand yourself and the choices you have, around how you think about your time. And your obligations, it allows you to curate a different life, career and parenting experience"
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Many thanks to my fabulous coach, the talented Tara-Nicholle Kirke!
Learn more about Soul Tour and the amazing UPGRADE retreat in October. Follow Tara’s great adventure on Instagram, Facebook and LinkedIn.
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About ?ara:
Tara-Nicholle Kirke, MA, Esq. is the Self-Mastery Guide and spiritual strategist we need for these times. A writer, entrepreneur and New Thought Teacher, Tara helps smart, successful people start doing their dreams by undoing their self-sabotage patterns.
She specializes in helping people heal their Inner Critic thought habits so they can reach their full potential and do their callings before they die. A recovering attorney and the former CMO of MyFitnessPal and Ten Percent Happier, Tara wrote the authoritative book on transformational business. It?s called The Transformational Consumer: Fuel a Lifelong Love Affair with Your Customers by Helping Them Get Healthier, Wealthier and Wiser (Berrett-Koehler, 2017).
As the Founder and CEO of SoulTour, Tara has guided over 50,000 people to stop hiding their light and holding themselves back with her Spiritual Strategy toolkit of rituals, practices and frameworks from neurobiology, depth psychology and spiritual law (aka: The House Rules of the Universe.)
