“If you have the expectation for yourself that, ‘this is my role I can’t ask for help’ that’s a problem. It’s okay to ask for help and sometimes that’s from your partner, your family or a friend and sometimes, that’s about paying for help,” said Lindsay Jill Roth, Author and Television Producer.
Pleasing others is in the fabric of how we’re raised as women. But does hiding our desires really serve us? Right, not so much. Transparency in our relationships frees us to build deeper bonds.
So, why is this part of maintaining emotional health so under explored? When pleasing-is-polite conditioning meets with cancel culture and full to-do lists, many of us drop self-care to reduce friction.
This often includes healthy communication about what we need. However, small adjustments are always possible and can help you enjoy a more integrated life.
Be Candid About What You Want
Lindsay said, “It’s okay to stick up for yourself and it’s great to be a mom with needs!” We discussed her new book, Romances and Practicalities which is all about building intimacy and understanding with your partner through shared discovery. Her premise? Feeling seen, heard and then getting practical about your needs is the glue that keeps long-term partnerships alive.
And Ask for Support
Women are burning out at greater rates, in the home and workplace, in part because we’re more likely to own the never-done tasks in both realms. You know, those important activities with no finish line, like meals, mentorship and childcare.
However, just like in the workplace, it’s strategic to revisit your available resources. Often. Lindsay said, “Step one is asking for help and truly understanding that you’re not alone because we can’t all be these super women. Sometimes we can make choices that change the dynamic and expectations.”
Invest in More Ease
Lindsay said, if it’s not feasible to get the support you need from family or friends, consider outsourcing. “If you can’t go out to dinner two times a month, but you can have a housecleaner, that might be worth it. You can say, ‘because I don’t have the capacity to do my laundry, the benefits are going to be more than whatever it costs’ if you outsource.”
Treat Yourself More Often
When asked, ‘what does self-care mean to you?’ Lindsay said, “On a very basic level, when I have a great blow dry, that’s a line item in the budget that makes me happy. I feel like my best self and if the world never sees my curly hair that’s fine. I found someone who comes to my house which sounds like this massive indulgence, but it allows me to sit and work while I’m getting it done and I feel good about myself when I give myself this little treat.”
Balance Sacrifice with Fulfillment
Motherhood demands a lot of emotional, mental and physical energy. We give it to forge strong foundations for our families. Over time however, if you’re repeatedly denying your needs to spin in service, it gets pretty tiring.
Say ‘yes’ to what lights you up as often as you possibly can. Lindsay said, “I recently started running and joined this incredible group called, ‘Women Run the World’ that’s taken us from not being able to run for 30 seconds to running for 45 minutes straight this morning. I’m not feeling the endorphins yet but I’m feeling the community.”
Indulge In What You Love
Lindsay said, “I love to read but I don’t have time to read as much as I would like to. So, allowing myself to go for a walk or run and listen to audio books is also self-care. I also go on one or two girls trips a year.”
Moms are hungry for connection, not only with our friends, partners and communities, but to our own needs. Go on, give yourself love in the form of asking for what you need and carving space for it in your daily life.
Many thanks to the talented Lindsay Jill Roth!
Check out her delightful new book, Romances and Practicalities: A Love Story (Maybe Yours) in 250 Questions and follow her great adventure on her website, Instagram and Linked In.
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About Lindsay:
Lindsay Jill Roth is an award-winning television and live-events producer who has created and developed a wide variety of programming globally, including original content for NBC, BET, ESPN, Food Network, Billboard, The Masters, The Grammys, The TONYs, and the US Open. She is the former producer of Emmy-nominated Larry King Now and the creator and executive producer of Haylie Duff’s Real Girl’s Kitchen. She is also the author of the novel What Pretty Girls Are Made Of. Lindsay lives in New York and London with her husband and two young sons.
