“He asked a lot of uncomfortable questions. Like why wasn’t I putting my picture in our marketing, what was that hiding about? It started to open me up. And that awareness led me to realize that I poured my heart and soul into building a business that wasn’t lighting me up. So, I thought why am I still doing this? Then I embarked on an exploration of what was going to be next for me,” said Rochelle Seltzer, Author & Creative Core Coach.
Many of us love a good turnaround story. But why is transformation so inspiring in others yet terrifying for us? Change requires a lot of mental energy. And it takes time to build new expertise for career shifts. But what if you had the right help to articulate your superpowers? Here’s what Rochelle learned after her own professional reboot and work with a coach.
Allow Yourself to Reexamine
The pandemic has forced many people to reset. Rochelle said, “Some of the women that I work with had big setbacks during Covid. And some of them have been very fortunate and their work has been busier than ever. But what’s common is their desire to have guidance.” She explained that although it’s possible to go through this process on your own, after nearly two years of uncertainty, who wants to wait? She explained, “Having support and accountability is what accelerates the forward motion. Everything important that I’ve been able to accomplish has been accelerated when I’ve had good support.” Yes. So, why do we resist seeking it out?
With the Right Support
Even when we’re drowning in responsibilities, it’s common to resist asking for the support we really need. Rochelle admits for a long time, she didn’t believe in getting help, “My dad was an immigrant. And the story that I grew up with was, that if you are smart enough and you work hard enough, you do it on your own.” Sigh. Many of us from immigrant families are taught this lesson.
She added, “That’s where the pride was for him. But the implied story for me was, if you ask for help, there’s some shame involved in that.” It’s common, particularly for women, to fear reprisal or negative feedback when asking. But are there other ways to grow?
To Speed up Change
Whether it’s in a classroom, online, from a book or on the job, we are taught new skills. And leaders tend to get into top roles with help from mentors, coaches and strong networks. Rochelle said, “I owned a design and branding firm. And in the recession of 2009, I wasn’t really looking but the universe introduced me to a business coach. So, I thought, ’Oh, this is a good idea, I’ll get help with my business.’ And I took this big step by hiring him. And he did help with the business. But the most important thing, and the focus of his work, was about me. He asked me how was I leading. With my clients, my team and in my life. “
Reconnect with Your Core
Rochelle wasn’t sure where to begin after selling her business. She felt stuck until she met another teacher and coach, focused on creativity. She said, “The crazy thing is that I was a designer. So, I was creative, but I was really blocked. I couldn’t do any personal creativity, like paint or sculpt. I had no connection to that part of myself and then I ended up finding an avenue to explore that.” Beautiful.
Work creativity often feels less vulnerable. She added, “Two years of deep study, with a brilliant teacher, opened me up to the power of creating. Both in the mindset aspect and in the expressive aspect, which connects us to our intuition.”
And Tame the Self-Doubt
Rochelle began with a mindset shift. She said, “It was more comfortable for me to start with the mindset piece. I was terrified to start anything artistically creative because I felt like what if there’s nothing there? I really was afraid that there was something deficient in me. Or that I would hit some pain and it would just be too hard.”
As she worked to unwind the self-limiting beliefs, she rediscovered her inner artist. “I was exposed to a process called intuitive painting. which was revelatory for me and very liberating. It’s remarkably freeing, expressive and anybody can do it.”
Become Creative in Your Way
Creativity takes on many forms. Rochelle explained, “I believe in the power of creating in infinite ways. Some people create in the kitchen, some in their gardens. Some people love to craft, sing, or make music.” And it can help with everything from innovation to stress.
She trained to teach the methods that helped her get unstuck and enter a new career. She added, “One of the biggest blessings is that it opens this connection to your intuition. And you learn to trust those intuitive messages. And not override them with your logical brain.”
Let go of the Idea of Perfection
When asked how self-care factors into her life, Rochelle said, “For me self-care is all of the dimensions of self-love. If I just want to take a break for a cup of tea, then it’s honoring what I want and need, whatever it is. Also, there are the bigger parts of self-care, that I call nurturing self-love.
For instance, believing that even if I make a mistake or hurt somebody’s feelings, it’s not that I’m a bad person. We all make mistakes, and I can forgive myself.” So good. We’re often socialized to try to be perfect. Which is not only impossible but harmful to self-discovery.
And Stop the Self-Sabotage
She explained, “Self-love is something that we really all need. It’s believing in our gifts, feeling deserving and caring for ourselves. There are all sorts of ways that I help people to cultivate self-love and really build it. Because it becomes the counterbalance to perfectionism, fear and doubt. And all the ways that the self-critic tries to come in and sabotage us.” Indeed, this is at the heart of what holds many of us back.
She added, “Like when we compare ourselves to others or feel like impostors. And perfectionists are often procrastinators because they’re afraid to get started. When we learn to fill ourselves, really fill ourselves with self-love, we can counter all of those flavors of the inner critic more easily. It takes practice, time, and awareness.” Amen!
Because you were Born Creative
Rochelle said, “Kids just play, and they experiment. When they learn to walk, they fall then they walk. Would most of us be able to do that now as adults? To keep falling and say no I’m going to get up and do it again? So, remember that you came into the world filled with this creative capacity and it is there waiting for you. You can tap it, practice it and make it a much bigger, more vital part of your life. Everything will change when you do that.”
Have you chimed in yet? Share your pandemic experiences! How are the latest changes affecting your life? It’s quick and the results from this study are used to advocate better support for parents.
Employers, let us help you transform your workplace into an environment where caregivers thrive. Learn about Allies @ Work.
Many thanks to the talented Rochelle Selzer!
Tags: Achieving Goals, Career development, Career Development for Moms, entrepreneurship, Manage Stress For Moms, Moms Career Growth, Moms Personal Growth