“When I turned 40, I threw a big party and said, ‘this is the decade I’m going to have time for myself!’ and my 40’s did not turn out that way at all. At 48, before the next milestone birthday I thought, ‘oh God, where am I going? And what would feel better than this?’ I spent a lot of time in the mountains and wild spaces when I was a kid and missed that. A wild, scenic river runs through Sacramento, less than a mile from my house. I was starting to have more time, and the world was opening up. So, I decided to go wild swimming,” said Kate Washington, Author, Journalist and Caregiver Advocate.
What happens when you patiently wait for the pause in stress that never comes? After surviving grief from the traumatic death of her mother and years of high stakes caregiving, Kate decided to break free from subsistence living. And to ease the grip of burnout, one wild swim at a time. This is the story behind her newest book, Midstream: A Life Remade in 50 Swims.
Your Life Can Change Abruptly
“What led me into burnout was not just parenting, it was the combination of parenting and other caregiving. Around the time my younger daughter entered kindergarten, I thought ‘I’m going to have so much more time for myself, work and creative projects.’ On the same day she started kindergarten, my then husband came into the kitchen and asked me, ‘do you think I should go to the doctor?’ He had lumps on his jaw, lost 30 pounds and wasn’t sleeping well. And I said, ‘yes, I absolutely do.’ I didn’t realize that was my first act as his caregiver.”
Few Family Caregivers Choose Their Path
Countless studies show caregiving, whether it’s for children, adults, or both, puts added strain on our mental, physical and emotional health. In part, because we’re forced to abandon those self-care activities at the top of the Mom’s Hierarchy of Needs. Although many of us expect to care for our aging parents, caring for a spouse is rarely foreseen early in life. Plus the emotional and planning complexity of caring for adults or disabled loved ones is punishing. Yet it’s estimated nearly 25% (63 million) of US adults do so, often with very little financial, structural or emotional support.
Kate explained, “My daughters were nine and five at that time and he was given a terminal diagnosis more than once. That shifted and thankfully, he did survive but his care really dominated the next few years. He was hospitalized for months on end then came home blind, immune compromised, unable to walk and required round the clock care. It really changed my ability to parent in a present way.”
Caregiving Can Lead to Burnout
Both caregiver burnout and parental burnout are consequences of carrying chronic stress, without relief, self-care or time alone. When Kate’s husband was diagnosed with an aggressive, rare form of lymphoma she was thrown into the murky depths of caregiving through complex medical needs. “When my husband was coming home from the hospital after 4 1/2 months, I’ll never forget it was a huge, galvanizing moment when his oncologist looked at me and said, ‘he needs 24-hour care. He cannot be left alone even for a minute’ and I was like, ‘but that’s impossible. You’re literally asking me to do something that would kill me.’ I needed to care for the kids, eat, go to the grocery store and sleep.”
Her family’s harrowing journey was the topic of her first book, Already Toast: Caregiving and Burnout in America. Which highlights how fraught it is to care for those who are ill, disabled or elderly in the US. She added, “it was very challenging, and the emotional strain affected me for a long time. In hindsight, I walled off a lot of those emotions. Which was a huge contributing factor to the burnout and then later, depression that welled up because those emotions don’t go away. I had almost become robotic to get through it and continue doing all the things that needed to be done.”
Choose Joy to Heal
After high intensity caregiving and logistics through her husband’s illness, followed by Covid’s threat to his fragile immunity, she was frayed. And she knew returning to herself, meant something had to change.
She said, “I just wanted to do something fun that would bring me joy. I came up with this this idea of 50 different places to wild swim, by my 50th birthday almost on a whim. Because I always had a running list of places, I never had time to get to. Like so many women who are parents, we typically do not have the leisure time to take uninterrupted days to go and do something.”
Reconnect to Your Needs
Kate said, “I hadn’t been in touch with my own needs in lots of different ways and hadn’t grounded those needs at all in the marriage.” Planning the swims became a way of shifting this dynamic after years of self-sacrifice and chronic stress.
She said, “The girls could come with me, and they did come on some of the swims and for some of them I went with friends, but I did a lot of them alone.” When I asked, what made her pick outdoor swimming holes? Kate explained that she didn’t choose her path intentionally to recover from burnout. Although in hindsight it met a lot of the criteria for it.
Set a Goal and Be Specific
Kate said, “I think there was a part of me that instinctively knew, if I just made a vague intention to go to the river more often, I wouldn’t do it. I needed some structure to push me into claiming these days. To claim the time alone in the car to a place with no cell service.”
Most mothers can’t just pick up and go, even when respite is desperately needed but a window opened for Kate. “There were conditions that gave me a little more time and space to try something ambitious. Both of my children were older, and my husband recovered his vision. He was able to drive and do a lot of the hands-on parenting and household things again. But we were struggling with restoring some kind of balance in our relationship.”
Build Your Own Burnout Recovery Plan
I asked Kate about how she chose the elements of her process. To recap, she: returned to something she loved in childhood. Plus the travel, time outdoors, solo nature of swimming and immersion in water where mobile phones can’t chase you, seems like the perfect ‘burnout recovery’ recipe. She also documented it, at the time, on a blog she never publicized.
She laughed and said, “pursuing things you love and doing something creative is a wonderful way and an evidence-based way to restore from burnout. I kind of stumbled toward those things without even realizing that formally, they would have been the plan. I think going back to that childhood version of myself was key. Also, because it’s when most of us, although not all of us, are largely free from responsibility. You probably weren’t thinking, ‘did I remember to turn off the air conditioner before I left the house?’ as a child.”
Begin With Curiosity
I asked Kate how would she advise a burned-out friend to start reclaiming her sense of self? She said, “Obviously I’m not telling everybody to go jump off a big rock into a swimming hole, that won’t be for everyone. But if you’re struggling with burnout try looking back toward whatever you enjoyed as a kid and see if there’s a little time and space that you can carve out. For example, if it was sculpting with modeling clay, go play around in your kid’s craft set when they’re at school and see what strikes you. I know every circumstance is different, and everyone’s ability to carve things out is different. But I think most people can find just a little space to carve out something.”
You Can Heal from Burnout
We can’t predict how life will test us. Yet through every plot twist, challenge and triumph, caregiving, remains a compass at the core of the human condition. It fills our lives with purpose, but it was never meant to be a solo endeavor.
If you feel crispy, you too can find your path out from under burnout. Kate was inspired to model a freer, happier version of herself for her daughters. You can experiment with what makes you feel the most alive and aligned with your needs. Caregiving, whether it’s for our kids or adults can feel very isolating at times and if you find it difficult to make it through your days, get help. Ask your primary care doctor for resources.
Many thanks to the talented Kate Washington!
Get Kate’s amazing new book, Midstream: Life Remade in 50 Swims, and her previous book, Already Toast: Caregiving and Burnout in America. Follow her great adventure on her website and Instagram.
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About Kate Washington:
Kate Washington is the author of Midstream: A Life Remade in 50 Swims (Beacon Press, 2026)
and Already Toast: Caregiving and Burnout in America (Beacon Press, 2021). She is a frequent
speaker on the systemic challenges facing family caregivers and a longtime freelance writer
whose writing has appeared in The New York Times, TIME, HuffPost, Eater, and many other
publications. She holds a Ph.D. from Stanford University and lives in Sacramento with her two
daughters, one very friendly dog, and one very unfriendly cat. Connect with her at
kawashington.com
