“I’m pregnant and I know I have supportive family and a partner who want me to be well. Having addressed specific leave issues at work to create a better leave and return experience.”
“I’m on a journey to rediscover interests and use my free time for self-care because at the end of the day it is helpful to my family.”
Over 3,700 parents, mostly moms (97%) have participated in our research study since March 30, 2020. These are results are from the most recent survey wave that began in January of 2023. When asked, ‘what are you optimistic about, if anything, in the year ahead?’ even the most optimistic among us find it difficult to remain hopeful consistently. Life is beautiful yet unpredictable. And we can’t exactly choose to avoid messy, heartbreaking or draining circumstances.
Whether it’s a health scare, financial stress, complex caregiving, or contemplating the world’s problems, the climb towards ‘better’ can feel long and arduous. So, when your circumstances don’t feel conducive to optimism, how do you reignite that intoxicating feeling of momentum?
How Optimistic Are Moms?
Why and how we experience optimism is complicated. Because some people are naturally more predisposed to being optimistic than others. As one surveyed mom shared, “I don’t need a reason to feel optimistic, I am always optimistic.” However another cites, “Nothing- it’s a mess. I used to believe that things were looking up and that in general humanity as a whole was headed in the right direction. Now I don’t think so anymore.”
And Which Categories Matter Most
Over the course of the study, we’ve seen common themes for what moms find the most difficult, necessary or encouraging. When we first looked at the optimism results 2 years ago, in many cases surveyed moms, were optimistic about experiences where they have the most agency.
Mostly, “…For nearly one in four (24%) the joy lies in family. Including: pregnancies, new babies, time with kids and/or their partners. The wobbly economy, however, remains a source of strain for many. So, almost one fifth (17%) are excited for more money or financial wellness. And they’re often seeking career upgrades for better compensation or flexibility.
Fifteen percent want to invest in themselves. Either with more self-care, like sleep, rest, and movement (5%.) Mental health support including therapy (4%,) personal growth (3%,) or furthering their education (3%.) Twelve percent are eager for their children to gain independence. And nine percent admit they don’t feel hopeful at all.”
Find Your Way to Hope for the Year Ahead
Although the height of the pandemic is in the rear-view mirror, the lasting impact on infrastructure we rely on, like the healthcare, child and eldercare industries remains. We’ve also endured a bumpy social, political, and economic climate in the past 5+ years. So, what can we learn from what moms are optimistic about now?
Keep Promises, to Yourself
“Trying to meal plan and eat healthier.”
“I’m on a journey to rediscover interests and use my free time for self-care because at the end of the day it is helpful to my family.”
Spoiler alert, many of the conditions we care about are outside of our control. We can, however, exercise some agency over what we choose to commit to and how we honor those promises. Especially when it comes to our own mental, physical and emotional health in the form of preventative self-care. So, if you decide you want to take a 15 minute walk each day, provided you’re healthy and mobile, you can fulfill that commitment. And keeping those self-care commitments feels really good.
Build, Strengthen and Care for Your Relationships
“My son and his continued growth, things I have applied for that might work out, and the endless possibility of the future, although right now things feel rather bleak.”
“My son has moved in with me.”
Yes, this includes the bonds we have with our children, partners, parents and siblings. But it extends beyond immediate family. The book, “The Good Life: Lessons from the World’s Longest Scientific Study of Happiness” by Doctors Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz not surprisingly says that strong relationships, with family and friends are the key to a fulfilling life.
So, reinvest in those psychologically safe spaces where it’s okay to make mistakes and be yourself. You know, those people who still love you when you’ve had a bad day, forget to call back, or need to vent. The friendships, community ties and professional circles that nourish your sense of belonging, joy and peace.
Integrate Self-Care into Daily Life
“Kids are getting older and more independent; I still have intentions of getting help with responsibilities.”
“My faith in God and a commitment to do more self-care.”
You may love a beach vacation, silent retreat, or spa day, who doesn’t? But unless it’s accessible everyday, self-care will feel exotic and occasional instead of practical and necessary. If you have a baby or toddler, self-care might feel like a nap, a few deep breaths, eating your meal while it’s hot or an extra-long shower.
Whereas if your kids are more independent, it may be a quick meditation, taking a class, or leaving work on time. You can also go broader and wind down negative relationships or saying no to anything extra when you’re depleted.
Seize Opportunities to Improve Your Conditions
“(I’m) 1 year closer to having debit paid down.”
“Finding a gym with better childcare options.”
If you’ve been wearily eyeing that counter clutter, or want to live closer to family, reexamine your possibilities. Make some decisions about whether your current tradeoffs feel good to you. And explore new options to reset how you live. Perhaps you don’t have to accept all of the conditions that bother you.
Balance your desires for the big picture with the small adaptations that reinforce self-trust, enjoyment and wellbeing. Little positive changes feel significant over time. And pouring into yourself, through ritualized self-care, is a powerful way to believe in yourself again. Even when the conditions in your life aren’t what you hoped for.
Best wishes for a joyful and energizing year ahead!
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📚 Buy the new book, Repair with Self-Care: Your Guide to the Mom’s Hierarchy of Needs.
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