?Lots of people will tell you what you?re doing wrong, I don’t know any Mother who gets told how great they’re doing. But we focus on what you?re doing right for your children,? said Coleen Stevens Porcher, Nonprofit Leader, Early Childhood and Family Advocate.
Did you expect to make so many tradeoffs as a parent? We may plan for some of the compromises. But when it comes to our kids, we rarely feel good about ?good enough" Yet, we all come into parenting with different challenges and worries about ?messing things up’ especially if we had difficult childhoods.
Coleen has spent most of her career in child development and education, advocating for the conditions they thrive in. The good news? It?s not the extras we obsess over but the basics, like love and attention, that help them succeed. And we can always grow our parenting toolkit, with the right support.
You Can End Harmful Cycles
Coleen was drawn to finding better options for kids at-risk early in her career. ?I started out teaching young adults who just graduated from high school. But I could see how the impact we could have, on their health and mental well-being, would be so different if we started earlier" She knew part of the answer was not only to change how kids are taught at school, but where it all begins, in the home. Because ‘family’ is the first system we?re exposed to.
Reexamine Family Patterns
Coleen explained, ?I’m a miracle of the middle passage and a survivor of adverse childhood experiences (ACE?s.) My mother was mentally ill. So, I champion healthy relationships between children and their caregivers to interrupt intergenerational trauma"
Most (64%) adults in the US, report experiencing at least one ACE before age 18, and they range in severity and long-term impact. Although it?s common to have a traumatic experience in childhood, intergenerational trauma can also come from what our parents or grandparents experienced. But people in underserved communities, which are often communities of color, are at greater risk for ACE?s. Which can lead to severe health complications.
And Trust Your Instincts
But it?s possible to overcome negative conditioning and learn new behaviors that shift the trajectory. Society sends Mothers a lot of mixed messages so, we often feel guilty about everything we do, and don?t do. But there?s power in following our instincts to nurture and play with our kids. Coleen?s organization, Power of Two, teaches parents how to achieve better outcomes.
She explained, ?We deliver a highly effective parent coaching program across New York City. Using a model called Attachment and Biobehavioral Catch up (ABC) developed by Dr. Mary Dozier" It?s an evidence-based method to strengthen bonds, and attachment between parents and kids. Which leads to better everything. Like social emotional learning, self-regulation, resilience, school-readiness, health and well-being. In addition to improved parent confidence and mental health.
To Heal from Childhood Wounds
Behaviors and beliefs, like stories, tend to be passed down within families. But we can reexamine what we?ve learned, discard what doesn?t fit and choose differently. This contemplation is critical to break negative cycles.
Coleen said, ?Parents reflect on their own parenting in the program. Because an important part of the process is to ask yourself, ?How was I parented? And where do I have agency and opportunity to do it differently" We want them to feel that power to change life for themselves and their children"
Build Strong Bonds with Your Kids
We don?t have to parent perfectly to build strong connections with our kids. Although ABC focuses on children?s early years, Coleen has seen parents apply these tools successfully with their older kids. She said, ?You already have strong bonds with your kids, but this approach gives you some extra tools" Strong bonds, create social emotional strength, which underpin how kids navigate life and learning over the long term.
And Connect with Community
All parents need to find their village, which can be hard to do. And those living in disadvantaged environments, often need the village to come to them. ?Many people have lost that sense of community and certainly the pandemic exacerbated that. So, it?s important as we do this work to create spaces where caregivers are supported with tools every parent deserves,? Coleen explained. ?We also partner with other nonprofit organizations and connect with churches, temples, and mosques to be out in the community in all kinds of ways"
Many navigate the stress, guilt and complexity of modern parenting and careers, in addition to food, or housing insecurity. Wherever you are on your journey, embrace and seek support to ease the strain. Whether it?s from community-based organizations, mental health providers, coaches, or resources from your employer.
Many thanks to the talented Coleen Stevens Porcher!
Learn more about the Power of Two and their incredible work with families. If you?re in New York City, Power of Two is hosting a family party and fundraiser in Greenwood Park, Brooklyn on May 19th. Join them or consider a donation to support their efforts.
Follow Coleen’s great adventure on LinkedIn. And Power of Two’s impact on Instagram, X, and Facebook.
——-
Enjoy the gift of more time. Self-care packages for Moms, delivered to your door.
Ready to put yourself back onto your to-do list? Take a TimeCheck.
Shared your story yet? Take our quick survey to change how workplaces support parents.
Employers, ready to rewrite hidden workplace rules? Become Allies@Work?
About Coleen:
Coleen Stevens Porcher has worked for almost 30 years in educational and social services organizations, serving in executive and institutional advancement roles. Born in Jamaica, Coleen immigrated to the United States at 14 years old, where she lived with her grandmother in East New York, Brooklyn and attended NYC public schools. She graduated from Vassar College with a bachelor’s degree in history and a minor in Spanish, then earned a master’s degree in public administration from New York University. Coleen has served on the boards of St. John’s Episcopal Church (Montclair, NJ), St. Paul’s Episcopal Church (Fairfield, CT), and the Association of Fundraising Professionals (Fairfield County) Chapter. She has also volunteered with a number of nonprofits including Governor Phil Murphy’s Third Sector Advisory Council, the Center for Nonprofits of New Jersey, Child Care Aware of New Jersey, and The Door.
