Even without specific goals or resolutions, we tend to internalize what it means to ?feel? successful or at peace. And right now, many of us are comparing the year that was, with the year we expected. Although there are benefits to self-evaluation, we?re already judged harshly in society for everything we do or don?t do. So, chastising ourselves for each unchecked box isn?t helpful. Or motivating. But there are alternatives to inspire personal growth and reset.
Trying to meet unrealistic expectations, whether it?s from others or ourselves, isn?t sustainable. But you can create your own achievable standards of excellence, for what matters to you, and revisit them often. So, ask yourself these critical questions in the weeks and months ahead to gauge what?s working and refine what?s not. Especially when it comes to managing your mental, physical, and emotional health.
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Am I in the Middle of a Big Endeavor?
You know, like a new baby, job, business, or book. Have you moved to a different city or begun caring for aging parents? When you?re in the midst of a major change, it affects your capacity. So, give yourself room to integrate new activities onto the calendar and into your family, work or self-care routines.
Learning is fulfilling and critical for growth, but stretching towards something new can also feel stressful in the moment. So, adjust the plan within a time frame that feels spacious, then reevaluate. For example, ?I will reduce my evening commitments for the next six months so, that I can sleep more"
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Did I Miss an Opportunity I Regret? And if so, Why?
Think about the conditions in your life at the time. What were the barriers and circumstances, for example, was there a career defining event you skipped? Perhaps a trip you wish you took, or a friend you wanted to see? Sometimes lamenting a missed opportunity is a signal, that you want more free space, mental energy, or resources for whatever ?it? was. Consider options that make sense for you. For example, do you need to hire support, focus on your mental health or set a new boundary?
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Who Tells Me the Truth?
Ideally, in a way that is useful and not hurtful. It might be the people who are closest to you or well intentioned, colleagues, mentors, or sponsors. The relationship doesn?t matter. But once you find those people, stay close to them. And seek their input when you?re weighing life changes, or you need added perspectives.
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What Type of People Complement Me?
Think about this in the context of your professional and personal life. When your talents are combined with someone else?s and the results are spectacular, what does that look like? Understanding this can help you choose where to spend time, seek support, or set boundaries. Trying to do ?all the things? or excel at everything are well-worn roads to burnout.
In Ray Dalio?s book Principles, although he has some intense leadership philosophies, I liked his process of creating ?baseball cards? for his employees. As a way of identifying people?s strengths or types of challenges where they can have an outsized impact. It?s important to remember that we have unique skills, interests, strengths and blind spots, as parents, at work and within our friendships.
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Do I Have the Right Support Network Based on My Priorities And Circumstances?
Many of us love to ?set it and forget it? but our needs change constantly. And our children?s health and level of independence continues to evolve. Can some combination of outsourcing, spouse-sourcing if you are partnered or eliminating, reduce strain for you? Be honest with yourself, and with other people in your life about what works for you and what?s hard.
You can ask yourself these questions inside of your own head or use them as journal prompts to explore what feels best. You get to choose what you might need so, give yourself permission to change and the grace to make mistakes.
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