“As a Mom, you want to provide your child with the best opportunities. But it cannot be at the expense of your mental health or physical health. And that’s a tough thing for people to do because we want to be martyrs,” said Juliette Mayers, Author, Podcast Host and Diversity, Equity and Inclusion Strategist.
We’re conditioned to sacrifice all of our time and energy for the greater good of our families, employers and communities. And women still do the overwhelming majority of society’s unpaid work. Which often means long days, meeting home and work deadlines, without breaks.
But is it really in the best interest of our families when we’re not attending to our health, financial wellness, or other key priorities? Why no. And there is another way.
First, Decide What you Really Want
We all go through different seasons in life. So, the priorities will shift radically based on our long-term goals and short-term circumstances. But we can be intentional about the direction we take, even if the journey doesn’t follow the plan.
Juliette explained, “Start by envisioning the life you want and what success looks like for you. Not what somebody else tells you success should be. And you really have to come to terms with that, then you put together all of the different pieces.”
Hold a Vision for You and Your Family
Traditional workplaces can appear a lot more flexible on the surface than they really are. No one says to respond to emails right away, yet the pressure to be always available remains. And if that’s your work culture, it’s uncomfortable to push against it. But it’s not sustainable or healthy to be ‘in service’ 24/7.
Juliette said, “You want to keep your children safe and make sure they’re nurtured and then you’ve got to let go of some other things. Don’t be a slave to other people’s expectations for you.” Juliette realized she needed to set and hold boundaries. Especially at work, and describes herself as a “recovering perfectionist.”
Climb to the Top of Your Priority List
Juliette said, “I looked at your Mom’s Hierarchy of Needs and all of these things Moms do for others at the bottom. I flipped mine. Because if you don’t prioritize yourself, what you have available to give and how you show up for others, is absolutely going to be impacted. I speak from experience because I was one of those people who tried to be the ‘best’ Mother and the ‘best’ at everything else. And I’ve learned, that does not work. Mom needs to be number one.”
Decide if Your Career Environment Serves You
We discussed how Moms are still woefully underrepresented in leadership. Despite the visibility of DEI’s importance for retention, wellness and innovation, women account for less than a third of the most senior roles. It dwindles to less than 10% in the C-Suite and for women of color, it’s a fraction of that.
Juliette wisely reminds us that we can become strategic about our environments in addition to our career paths. “If the people who get promoted in your particular job or organization are typically white, cisgender males who come from ‘XYZ schools’ and that’s what’s required, you have to ask yourself how that serves you and your children. If it does not, make a different choice.”
Does Your Work Allow Time for Your Health?
Juliette said, “I had a boss who would say, ‘oh you have time for exercise.’ As if my taking time for exercise was a luxury that a ‘hard working and hard driving’ executive should not have. And I went through a period where I didn’t know that I have to prioritize myself. I think too often we force ourselves to stay the course.”
Career change, whether it’s to a new organization, role, or field, isn’t easy but it’s always an option. Moms pause, upgrade, empire build, and otherwise adjust their professional lives all of the time. So, what happens when you feel like you can’t honor your health or other values in your current position?
Set and Hold Firm Boundaries
Juliette said, “At the time, I made a very conscious decision, ‘I’m not the one who’s crazy here’ because I feel really good when I exercise. And I bring more to the table when my mind is sharp and I’m not over tired. So, I rejected all of it, but it took time, because initially I was on the outside of the leadership team. And you know what? I realized I was okay being on the outside.”
We don?t always have the psychological safety at work or leadership support to maintain our boundaries and win. If you don’t, this is where activating your network can help to strengthen your current position or move you closer to what’s next.
Find the People Who Can Help You Grow
Many of us have met so many amazing people in our professional lives, the idea of deciding whom to contact and what to say, can feel overwhelming. And with the chaos of school emails, laundry, or college applications, the follow up can also feel daunting.
So, start by organizing your current connections based on how they might support you. Juliette said, “There is only so much time and energy. And you want to be laser like in how you value and manage your time.”
Group Your Connections
You don’t have to contact ‘everybody’ because that probably isn’t possible or helpful. But as with any outreach, you can be very targeted.
Juliette said, “In my book I outline three tiers: inner circle contacts, high value contacts and then moderate value contacts. And I define those by the degrees of trust, help and a number of other dimensions. You can take a look at your relationships through this prism and develop strategies for each one.” Although networking can create a sense of dread for some, it doesn’t have to be onerous, and it can transform your choices.
And Build Deeper Relationships
Juliette encourages us to value and nurture those precious relationships with intentional connections. And outlines a variety of ways you can be thoughtful, helpful, and authentic based on how you like to communicate. In the book she also suggests how often is appropriate for each type of connection.
For example, she suggests trying to see your inner circle connections twice a year and be in digital touch at least six times per year. Juliette said, “I also want to be clear that’s it’s not a linear process. Being ‘strategic’ means you are not taking your eye off the ball of your vision and what you want to accomplish, everything doesn’t have to go smoothly.”
Aligned With Your Interests
In the book Juliette includes helpful checklists and prompts. Including a list of possible goals for engaging with your network as you consider your strategy. It includes things you’d expect like finding the new job, hire, or mentor.
But she also includes other potential objectives to strengthen your network you may not have considered. Like, “to diversify my network by ethnicity and culture.” Or “to enrich my development by meeting interesting people,” and “more effectively manage my extensive network of contacts.”
And Stay True to Your Needs
Juliette wisely reminds us that change requires doing the work. And it might feel uncomfortable to shift outside of your existing career ‘box’ or to engage with people differently. “As my late mother-in-law used to say, ‘it’s okay being the only one’ you just need to be clear about what you want and willing to take risks to support it.”
Yes! She added, “To all the Moms out there who are struggling with that outsider status or feeling like you don’t fit the mold at work, break the mold or leave the mold. Go somewhere else because it’s not good for your emotional health or your physical health.”
Many thanks to the talented Juliette Mayers!
Check out her amazing book, Strategic Networking 2.0: Harness the Power of Connection and Inclusion for Business Success. And follow Juliette’s great adventure on her website, LinkedIn and Twitter.
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About Juliette:
Juliette Mayers is host of Entering the Inspiration Zone, a podcast for business
professionals seeking positive connection and professional development, and has been
featured in Forbes, Advertising Age, the Boston Globe, and Boston Business Journal
and on numerous TV stations. She motivates and inspires audiences through her
keynotes and workshops on strategic networking, effective cross-cultural collaboration,
unconscious bias, inclusive leadership, personal branding, and women’s leadership. A
member of the Forbes Coaches Council and a fellow at Simmons Institute for Inclusive
Leadership, Mayers is a distinguished alumna of Simmons Graduate School of
Management, where she earned her MBA, and Northeastern University, where she
earned her BS in marketing.
