“I don’t call it the mental load anymore. I call it the brain body load, because it’s not just mental. And calling it the mental load, is a barrier to understanding how it’s impacting us. And most importantly, how to shift it,” said Sarah Harmon, Licensed Therapist, Mindfulness and Yoga Teacher.
It’s true, women manage most of the unpaid, often invisible, labor in our families and communities. But we’re socialized to do it all ‘perfectly’ and often, without support. So, it’s not surprising that we’re stressed out or sad about it. But when the pressure’s relentless, it’s not just painful, but harmful to our health.
In the quest to ‘feel better’ many of us are drawn to the abundance of self-help solutions for personal growth. And it is empowering to have so many options. But the trial, error and time required for self-development, can become frustrating when change doesn’t happen or stick.
So, while managing kids, careers, partners and perhaps parents, how do you achieve peace? Sarah combines her mental health, yoga and mindfulness training to make it easier to manage anxiety and build a foundation for change.
We Can Feel Powerless When Stress Hits
Positive self-talk, thinking and mantras can help. But they rarely outweigh the physical feelings of stress. Sarah said, “We’re responding and reacting to everything in the moment all of the time. Which leads to these biochemical reactions in our bodies. When you’re in that cycle of having an anxious thought, you’re also feeling anxious. And because you’re in a contracted state physically, your body is a host for more anxious thoughts.” Sigh. So how do we disrupt this pattern?
So, Go a Bit Deeper To Interrupt Patterns
Sarah said, “There is no blanket prescription but, we have to look at the full picture. I was a yoga teacher for 10 years and have always integrated the body into my clinical work and vice versa. After working with Moms over the past few years, I couldn’t go back to just doing talk therapy without centering the body as our source of healing.”
Mind-body techniques are not new. And they’ve been proven in countless studies to reduce the physical response to stress and deliver lasting health benefits. But what happens below the neck hasn’t traditionally been part of therapy or mental health treatments.
And Reach the Source
Sarah said, “I found these, ‘yoga therapy’ self-massage balls. And once I started integrating them into my classes, they became a fundamental tool. Because they work on releasing your fascia. When I started seeing the impact on my students, I didn’t want to teach a class without them because it’s much less efficient. Why just pull a muscle tighter before unraveling it?” Research shows fascia work, or myofascial release, is effective for everything from pain management, circulation and range of motion, to stress management and relaxation.
To Ease Your Experience of Stress
Thankfully, there’s growing awareness about the importance of mental health support. But why do we still feel guilt when we can’t ‘just figure out’ how to manage anxiety, depression, or anger?
Sarah explained most of her patients have been in traditional therapy for a while. “I am usually not someone’s first stop. And for women there’s often a lot of shame. Like, “”m tired of talking about the same things every week in therapy. I want to do something about it, tell me what to do!’ If a Mom takes an hour for herself, she wants it to actually do something.”
Start With Tailoring Your Approach
Sarah explained, “How effective is it when you’re upset, and someone tells you to just relax? It’s like telling our kids to just breathe, right? So, how do we down regulate you to a point where you start to tune in? I would say it starts with the practice of mindfulness.”
Although children increasingly learn about self-regulation techniques at an early age in school, that wasn’t the norm for most of us. But there are many ways to opt in to this process at any stage in life, and learn how to calm ourselves more effectively, with our without traditional therapy.
Learn to “Mother Yourself Mindfully”
In the “School of M.O.M.” side of her practice, Sarah teaches the concept of “Mothering Ourselves Mindfully.” We all know making the space for ourselves is logistically difficult. But the emotional side can also be hard. “We can set time boundaries but if we’re not aware of the different parts of ourselves, that are going to chime in very unconsciously and subconsciously to derail our time, we will not be successful. So, it’s bringing attention to what’s in the way of following through, like guilt or anxiety. And becoming what I call a mindful gardener.” She describes this as being curious, expectant, and kind as we look at ourselves and needs.
Tune Into Your Body
Sarah said, “We’re often trying to use these thinking tools to manage anxiety. But our body is telling a different story. So, doing a body scan is a great place to start.” And if this is new for you, it’s a popular meditation technique and there are many great instructions online about how to do this. Sarah explained, “I also like to welcome in touch with a body scan. Self-massage feels good to manage aches and pains. And it helps you access a different nervous system state. So, you can become more open to different emotions and thoughts.” Brilliant!
And the Healing Power of Touch
The touch doesn’t have to follow a particular formula. You can use a method that feels right for your needs and style. Sarah said, “This is where the therapy balls come in because sometimes self-touch is very triggering for people. I encourage people to work through their whole body with the ball or if they’re open to it, with their hand. They can even use a loofah in the shower. It doesn’t really matter the order they do it in and, it only takes about a minute.”
So, remember the stress isn’t just “in our heads” it’s in our bodies too. And because caregivers in general and women in particular, are at greater risk for most stress related illness, become unapologetic about making time to reduce it. And embrace new ways to manage stress to improve mental health. Like building deeper awareness about the connection between our bodies and feelings.
Many thanks to the talented Sarah Harmon!
Learn more about Sarah’s new program, Flourish that starts on June 3rd. Check out the School of M.O.M., her therapy practice, and follow her great adventure on Instagram.
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About Sarah:
Sarah Harmon, Founder, LMHC, EYT-200 is a licensed mental health therapist, yoga/mindfulness teacher, corporate wellness expert and founder of The School of MOM and Parent Wellness Group. Her passion is supporting people on their unique wellness journey with a holistic approach to mind and body wellness.
She currently lives in Massachusetts with her hilarious husband and two little daughters who keep her laughing every day. When she is not teaching yoga/mindfulness or working with individual or group clients, you will most likely find her somewhere outside, whether it’s sailing on the Boston Harbor or skiing in New England.
