?I was running so fast, that I hadn’t noticed, it’s been 30 years since I started my career. And if I have any regrets, it?s that self-care is the one thing I?ve been the worst at. I think that’s part of my woman-ness, Mother-ness, and my immigrant-ness. Because it feels easy to keep delaying certain things. You think, you?ve got to ?go, go, go? to build your career. And you’ll get to the gym later, hang out with your girlfriends later, spend time one-on-one with your wife later, or go play with your kids later,? said Grace Moreno, Executive, Entrepreneur and Social Justice Advocate.
What is Your Path to Leadership?
Many of us were overjoyed to launch professionally, and dove into work, at full force. However, as we celebrate another International Women?s Month, stats for gender parity?across all 17 of the UN?s global measures, including economic growth and wellness, remain bleak.
The World Economic Forum reports gender parity will take 131 years. And cites, "the so-called ?motherhood penalty? accounts for much of the gender pay gap ? when women face discrimination and disruption to their careers after having children" Yes, it?s disappointing, but it?s not a surprise. Most of us feel a dramatic shift in our careers after kids, regardless of the industry or role.
And the stats are even worse for women of color and those who are disabled or LGBTQ+. Although growth feels good, striving to rise in systems that aren?t family or female friendly, takes a slow toll on our bodies. But you can reexamine the tradeoffs and reset. Grace has spent most of her career scaling mission-driven organizations. And now, she?s intentional about reclaiming time, for her wellbeing.
There?s a Cost to Professional Advancement
The accumulated stress from meeting deadline-after-deadline, weighs on us after a couple of decades. We?re sought after professionally while in demand at home. And in the most recent wave of our research study, most Moms (87%) admit dialing their professional ambitions down after kids. Yet, raising children is expensive. And many of us need to focus on financial wellness, despite how exhausting it can be.
Including Emotional Labor
So, once we have kids, economic security becomes a higher priority. And you can?t really have psychological safety without financial safety. If you’ve ever worked in the service industry, you may have heard that, ?the customer is always right" Of course, the customers, bosses, or colleagues you?re forced to interact with are not always right. And the lack of other women in leadership, tends to mean less candor and more ?emotional labor? in our work lives.
Because Psychological Safety is Rare
We spoke about this double-bind and how it discourages openness. Grace said, ?I often say there’s no justice until there’s financial justice. And before you’re married and have children, if you cuss somebody out at work and get fired, you’ve probably got a friend whose couch you can land on. Or you can go back home. But when you become a parent, at least this happened for me, you suddenly aren’t at liberty to just speak your mind. Because losing your job means that you destabilize your home for your kid"
So, We Tend to Push Ourselves
Of course, we make concessions for many of our decisions. And Grace recognizes the opportunities and challenges that can come with career success. ?I’ve cared a lot about being present for my kids and I have shown up for that. But I haven’t shown up for my body or mental health. I stopped going to a therapist when I thought I had it all figured out. Well, it turns out I don’t. And that for many of us, there’s another layer to generational trauma, that doesn’t come up until you’re 50"
At the Expense of Our Wellbeing
Nothing impacts our happiness and overall sense of wellbeing more than our physical, mental, and emotional health. Which is intrinsically tied to the quality of our relationships. And gaining visibility in most work settings means sacrificing something. Especially our time.
Grace explains, ?The truth is, it puts wear and tear on your marriage, your body, your psyche, and your relationships. As you age, the relationship with your parents also changes, when you become a caretaker. Then, you wake up one day and realize, you’re X number of pounds overweight and your knees hurt"
But You Can Reinvest In Yourself
Grace said, ?Aging is also a learning experience. Because you have to keep doing things to take care of your body, mental and intellectual health. Like making time for joy and relaxing because otherwise, you do end up in a deficit" As she explains, the personal erosion, tends to happen in the background. It?s not obvious until we?ve ignored our own care for a while.
She added, ?So, that’s my biggest learning, that self-care is something that has to be done. And it’s never too late to start. But it is hard when you stop and then have to start over later in life" Because when you’re 25 or 30, it’s a 30 minute a day commitment. But when you’re 50, it’s an everyday, all day long commitment. Otherwise, lack of self-care messes with your sleep, energy level and everything else"
Renew Health Routines
Our health changes over time, just like with our kids. So, reassess what you need in each season. There are many ways to restart or build routines. Whether it?s more movement, nutrition or better sleep, accountability in the form of a class, membership, friend or hired expert, has been shown to help solidify new habits.
Grace said, ?I just started seeing a personal trainer a month ago because I feel the effects of time. I used to run as young person for mental health, because it cleared my head but once I gained weight, I stopped. So, I can’t wait to get back to where I can run again but it?s going to take me at least a year of intense work"
And Make Space for Recovery from Illness
Many of us are revisiting our goals. And as we navigate cold and flu season, the disruption can be discouraging. Grace said, ?Your body starts to work against you, and you don?t recover from illness as quickly" I’ve had bronchitis for 11 weeks now! And I remember back when I used to have a cold, I could take some NyQuil, drink water, get up the next day and go for a run. But that doesn’t happen anymore. Because the body is like a machine that wears down without maintenance"
Many thanks to the talented Grace Moreno!
Learn more about her amazing work at the Massachusetts LGBT Chamber of Commerce. And follow Grace’s great adventure on LinkedIn.
""
"Moms, become more protective of your time. Learn about our member subscriptions.
? Ready to put yourself back onto your to-do list? Take a TimeCheck.
""?Shared your story yet? Take our quick survey to change how workplaces support parents.
"Employers, ready to rewrite hidden workplace rules? Become Allies@Work?
About Grace:
Grace Moreno is an experienced senior executive, startup nurturer, and mission-driven entrepreneur, Grace Moreno has over 20 years of experience leading state and national not-for-profit organizations.
At the Neighborhood Assistance Corporation of America (NACA) she served as the National Director of Operations where she led a 26 office national team to fight predatory lending. After NACA she was the Deputy Director at Oiste! The Massachusetts Latino Organization where she ran the company?s operations and built the infrastructure to promote Latino civic engagement in Massachusetts. She went on to serve as Deputy Director of Health Care for All during the period of Massachusetts health reform, working along side other advocacy organizations to properly represent the interest of Massachusetts health care consumers.
Grace was also the Vice President of Community Programs at The Community Builders, Inc. a national not-for-profit mixed income housing developer serving over 10,000 residents in 17 states. Most recently, Grace served as Vice President for Operations and Finance at the Edward M. Kennedy Institute for the US Senate, where she managed an annual operating budget of $13 million, and led the operational and financial components necessary to build the institute, develop the exhibit, and open it to the public.
