?When it comes to your emotions, you have to be honest with somebody. And that somebody can be a trusted friend, family member, or yourself, but it?s important to be honest. We can’t be delusional about how we actually feel about money,? said Aja Evans, Financial Therapist, Author and Entrepreneur.
Financial health isn?t just about our bank accounts. Because money buys options, including more time choice. Not to mention, quality medical care, housing, and childcare so, it?s closely linked to our mental health. According to a recent TIAA report ?42% of U.S. adults say that money negatively impacts their mental health" It?s among the top stressors people face. And countless studies link financial worries to increased anxiety and, depression.
We know financial wellbeing is important yet, most Moms are caught in the gendered wage, wealth, and leadership gaps. We also have very little discretionary time, which impacts how we spend, save or invest. And there are added hurdles for women of color, those who are disabled, or LGBTQ+"So, basically the less represented you are in leadership, the bigger the hit to your earnings.
But if we look beyond the many systems challenges, we still have financial agency. And proactivity tends to improve outcomes. But if money worries you, go beyond the numbers. And get clear about your relationship to it.
If You Feel Stressed About Money, You?re Not Alone
?When I was in my mid 20s, I didn?t really understand why I wasn’t meeting some of my financial goals. I realized I felt bad about where I was with money, and I didn’t know who to talk to about it. I thought, I cannot possibly be the only person who feels weird when I can?t afford to go to a birthday dinner or out to brunch.” Aja explained.
She added, “I did a lot more research and eventually, found the Center for Financial Social Work" Although she had been a therapist for many years at that point, her own financial journey inspired her to specialize in financial therapy.
Because Money Worries Mess With Your Head
We?ve been on an economic roller coaster in the past few years. And between the mixed signals, and cultural cues to just keep spending, many find themselves on the ?fake it until you make it? path. Moms are already socialized to carry the emotional weight of pleasing, pretending, or otherwise shielding others from stress. But does it help in our financial lives? Spoiler alert, not exactly. Aja said, ?I’m always about authenticity even when it is hard. And for Black women it can be very hard to be authentically yourself in some of the spaces we have to move in"
But Don?t Delude Yourself
Aja said, ?At one point there was like a trend where people were saying, ?listen, I’m just going to live my delusional life" That’s the ?fake until you make it? approach" But candor isn’t always simple. We discussed how the appearance of success, especially in our careers, can help us garner support for opportunities we need to advance.
She explained, ?Sometimes it is about self-protection or safety. Like, ?I can’t let my team, or my family know that I really don’t feel strong right now. So, I have to kind of show up a little bit bigger than that? and there is value in that. But I always like to work with my clients on being honest about how they actually feel. Then we can, ?fake it? when we need the extra push to put ourselves out there"
Examine Your Real Feelings
Why yes, there are many times you may need self-talk that builds your confidence to shine. And Aja helps people tap into the underlying beliefs, or worries, that influence their financial lives. ?Some people think, ?I’m scared right now.’ Or ?I feel really lonely or bad about myself, but I need to go show up in this space as my most amazing self right now" And that?s okay. As long as you know internally what’s true for you, while trying to get yourself to where you wish you were"
Including the Roots of Your Financial Beliefs
If you grew up without financial stability, or experienced money related trauma, your past financial life can haunt you. Aja explained, ?So, a lot of the work that I do with clients centers around this. First, it?s understanding where your roots come from financially. So, how was money talked about growing up, either with your parents or your extended family? And what was the tone of those conversations"
Decide Whether or Not They Serve You
Aja said, ?What are some of the money beliefs you may not realize you continue to hold? And whether you live differently, or live similarly, do they still fit your life? It?s a big question that I ask my clients.”
Like other forms of therapy, financial therapy includes self-reflection. She expalined, “You may have grown up with a particular money belief. But are you still connecting that belief to how you deal with your finances now? And does that still fit for how you want to operate with your money? For a lot of people, the answer is no. Because the beliefs you had 10, 20 or 30 years ago, may not apply to your life now"
So, You Can Rewrite Your Money Story
If you?re interested in personal development, you already know the stories we tell ourselves, have to shift before behavior can change. Aja explained, ?We need to understand the root of your beliefs and money narrative. And then look at the current patterns. If it’s not working for you, then we need to come in with different skills. Whether they’re coping skills, or new financial strategies, to make sure that you’re doing something different with your money"
Instead of fretting about the spreadsheet, budgeting app or credit limit, start at the beginning. Reexamine your financial beliefs, whether that’s with a mental health professional, friend, loved one or from the safety of your journal. If you can avail yourself of professional support, do so. And if you feel like you’re in a bad place with your mental health, for financial reasons or any other reasons, reach out to your healthcare provider or primary care doctor, Employee Assistance Plan if your employer offers one, or crisis help line.
Many thanks to the talented Aja Evans!
Learn more about Aja’s financial therapy practice?and pre-order her new book, Feel Good Finance. Follow her great adventure on Instagram and LinkedIn.
——-
Enjoy the gift of more time. Self-care packages for Moms, delivered to your door.
Ready to put yourself back onto your to-do list? Take a TimeCheck.
Shared your story yet? Take our quick survey to change how workplaces support parents.
Employers, ready to rewrite hidden workplace rules? Become Allies@Work?
About Aja:
Aja Evans is a board certified therapist, speaker, and consultant specializing in financial therapy. She is committed to assisting people in how they navigate the emotional side of money. Aja works to better incorporate how we speak, think, and build products for people that include both the logical and emotional parts of us.
In addition to her practice, Aja has a column “Finance in Focus” with Square and is a consultant to #FinTech companies looking to integrate how we feel and behave with money" She has been quoted in major news outlets such as The New York Times, Bloomberg, CNBC, and NerdWallet. Coined the ?feel good financial therapist,? Aja is on a mission to get more people engaged in living their best life while attuning to their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors around money.
