“Childcare is so incredibly expensive and honestly still not totally reliable.”

“I only have access to enough childcare to cover my work hours. I would be willing to take a pay cut, if I cut my hours by even 5 hours per week to allow time for appointments, self-care, etc.”

“I would like for them (at work) to understand how difficult it is finding childcare.”

“…Mental health during the pandemic affects me NOW, I will not be the same person I was before kids and pre-pandemic (please stop asking me to be the employee that I used to be). The only daycare in town closes at 5 and I get fined $15/minute if it’s after 5. So I HAVE to leave early!”

We’ve heard from over 3,500 parents since March of 2020, mostly Moms (97%.) And the state of childcare, remains a hot topic. Have you ever tried to buy tickets to a sold-out concert? Well, finding childcare in the US is harder than trying to see Beyoncé. And it doesn’t matter if you live in a childcare desert or major metro. Although most care workers aren’t paid or supported well, childcare still costs more than mortgages in most cities. Even when you can find and pay for it, it’s imperfect. Because whether you’re defending your dissertation, or attending a staff meeting, it will fail.

This is the season when many families reevaluate their childcare set up. Camps wind down, schools reopen, many beloved sitters transition, and kids need new things for their development. So, you may be searching for childcare. But finding what you need is hard to do. The industry was fragile, long before the pandemic and after September, nearly 3 million kids, could lose their slots as federal funding to stabilize the childcare ecosystem ends. You can see how your state is affected on The Century Fund’s interactive map. So, how can you think strategically about your needs and options?

So, What Type of Childcare Should You Get

I’ve had this conversation with many parents, especially when I worked in the care industry. The short answer, as much as you can afford and probably, more than you think you’ll need. In our latest survey wave, that began in January, affordable and accessible childcare remains a top desire, as it has in almost every study we’ve run in the past six years.

• Lack of child (and/or eldercare) remains a barrier to self-care for more than half (58%) of surveyed Moms. Which is slightly behind the lack of household help (59%) and, the reigning champion of self-care barriers, guilt (78%.)
• There’s still more of everything to do. Although most of our respondents are married or cohabiting (87%) in our recent wave that started in January, few say their partners do more. Whether it’s childcare (22%) children’s activities (16%) or household work (24%) than pre-pandemic.

School and Childcare are Not the Same

A lot of parents revisit childcare arrangements when their youngest enters kindergarten. So, I’m going to be real here, school and childcare are different things. Your child needs to be educated for a lot of years but it’s not full-time. You probably work all year but the average number of days of school is about 180 annually. Yep, you read that right. So, if you’re in the paid workforce and want to grow in your career, does school really work as your childcare?

Although Childcare is Expensive, Public School Only Appears Free

It might. It depends on a lot of things, including if you’re partnered, what your partner’s availability and professional life is like. And who is on point for childcare? In most families, it’s still Moms so consider whether or not your career takes the disproportionate hit. Even when school is in session, it starts and ends early. Much earlier than most workplaces. And there are holidays, summers and early release days, not to mention the occasional strike. So, no, school is not a reliable form of childcare unless you are also a teacher and have the same schedule.

Cost is Subjective So, do Your Homework

If you decide to use school as your only childcare to “cut costs” you’ll spend the next decade frittering away precious brain space and time stitching together, camps, after school programs, back up sitters and favors from neighbors. And if you’re religious, praying for favor. And that’s not exactly free. There’s a cost to your mental energy, clarity, and time as you navigate all of those plans. Time that you could spend on your self-care and health. Or going for that professional opportunity that changes your financial picture. Which could make your childcare more affordable or allow you to have more control over your work hours.

Especially if you Are Stretching into Something New Career Wise

Remember, your kids will need childcare for a long time. But your compensation will most likely grow that entire time. Do you want to go for that promotion, exit corporate life to build your empire, or write a book? Whatever that growth looks like for you, you can do it. But they’re big decisions, like many, that involve money. And you’re probably going to need more childcare than you think you do. Because no matter what arrangement you have, no matter how much it costs or doesn’t cost, it will dissolve without warning. So, you need to plan to go over with your coverage instead of under.

What you Need is Unique and BTW, it Will Change

There are a lot of variables. Like: the age(s), level of independence and health of your children. Your health, and if you’re partnered, your partner’s health. If anyone in the family is living with disabilities, mental or physical health conditions that affect daily life, your set up will need to reflect that. If you’re coupled, whether your partner is hands-off or hands-on in the home matters too. So, don’t worry about what other people have for childcare, build your plan for the life you have.

If You’re Expecting Your First, Beware the Myths About Caring For a Baby

I remember having this fantasy before my first child was born, that I wouldn’t need childcare on the one-day per week, I worked from home. After all, I thought, ‘I usually don’t have meetings on Fridays. And babies sleep a lot so, it will save money and I can totally handle it.’ Hah! You can imagine how quickly I changed that. I had my nanny at the time come for just half a day at first. Then I quickly treated the days I worked from home, just like any other day from a childcare perspective.

When You’re Also Caring For the Home

Because not only do you need to care for the baby, it’s all of the housework, preparation and activity for the baby. Like the mountain of laundry that babies produce. And you will want to be present and productive at work. Babies quickly become toddlers. Think lots of small meals throughout the day, watching their every move and finding developmental activities they’ll enjoy.

And once they’re in elementary school and even middle school, the number of activities grows exponentially! And the homework and emails you need to review, guidance and emotional support you will need to give, ramps up. Sorry, but it does.

There Are Alternatives to Paid Care

A few questions to ask yourself. Do you or your partner work part-time or are you considering pulling back from paid work? Do you have additional family or friend support that you can ask for, without feeling like you’re asking for a favor?

If it’s coverage for certain days or hours, you might be able to lean on local family, if you’re fortunate to have it. For example, if you have local grandparents, siblings, in-laws, or besties who are as close as siblings – and your kids are school aged — then, you may not need much paid care. If you have a job that has predictable hours or if partnered, and your partner has a really steady work situation, then skip to the next section.

Childcare Considerations:

• Work schedules — Hours and location of your work and the predictability of both. This includes how much overnight travel is typical for you and If partnered, your partner.
• Children’s needs – age, independence, and health.
• Family health — Your health and your partner’s health (if partnered.)
• Additional caregiving responsibilities – Do you have aging parents that you care for? Do you have a special needs child or adult in your life?
• Household responsibility – Are you on point for laundry, dishes, meal prep and if so, do you want to outsource as much of the daily housework as possible? Hint…if it’s affordable, yes you do.
• Your budget – Availability and compensation for professional caregivers or daycare in your community. How much can you spend and if hiring a nanny or frequent sitter, have you factored in taxes?
• Benefits available to you (and/or your partner if partnered) that can offset the costs of care. Like dependent care and/or flexible spending plans to use pre-tax earnings. Back-up-childcare services, onsite childcare or other sources of subsidies.

Traditional Options

A professional nanny or in-home caregiver

The right person will change your life in extraordinary ways. But the wrong person will unravel you. A professional nanny can also assist with the other things that need to happen if scoped up front, like laundry, clean up, school pick ups, and dishes. The key to successful in-home care, is being thoughtful during the hiring process.

Map out what you really need and make sure it aligns with her needs and best practices. Use a contract to set expectations clearly. Vet the person’s references, do a background check and understand your obligations and norms around pay, taxes and benefits. A hybrid option is the nanny-share. And it could be a great option if you have the right set up in your home, family to partner with and caregiver who can flex with two employers.

Live in care

Although live in care can be easier to find for eldercare or adult care, live-in child caregivers are not as visible on mainstream search platforms. So, you may need to hire a nanny agency. Agencies, although costly up front, can save considerable time by conducting the search. Which is everything from interviews to the compensation discussion.

Or you can consider an au pair agency. Which connects overseas young adults with your family, and assists in the whole process, including payments and guidelines for their work schedules. Live in involves more responsibilities for you as the employer, including making sure your home, and the caregiver are a good match.

Daycare center

Some people absolutely love having the quiet at home. Especially if they work from home, or they have small space and don’t want to have an employee working from their sanctuary. There’s typically more coverage with a daycare center, i.e., you don’t have to worry about one caregiver being out sick.

But there are other dynamics you have to factor in. Like the rigidity of a pick-up and drop off schedule. Make sure it aligns with the dynamics of your daily life and type of work you do. And in the early years, kids in daycare tend to get common illnesses more often. Which means paying for coverage you can’t use when they’re home sick with you, which of course, affects your ability to work.

Hidden Sources of Childcare

Yes, there are some. Some local resorts, spas and health facilities, have kids clubs that could offset the cost of membership and give you a chunk of coverage during work days. Many churches, synagogues, and other religious institutions offer kids programming or reduced cost preschools.

Early childhood education degree programs with students eager to do some extra babysitting, may be in your area. And a source of regular ad hoc or part-time help. There are also virtual childcare options to keep little ones entertained when you need coverage at home for an occasional meeting. And for older kids, there are virtual schools dedicated to remote learning.

Strategic Use of Back-up Care

Many large employers offer back up care as a benefit. Where you can hire vetted babysitters, on short notice at a heavily subsidized, rate, i.e., $8.00 – $10.00 per hour co-pay. It’s meant to be an alternative when your primary childcare fails (i.e., nanny is on vacation, daycare is closed, summer.) But it can be used in a variety of situations.

First, many companies have expanded their back up care coverage in the past few years. Ten to fourteen days per year, used to be the norm but many organizations now offer more days. If you are partnered, and you both have a back up care benefit, that’s now 20 plus days, or over 4 weeks! There’s your July or August, sorted if you plan it in advance.

You can also use it for coverage on business trips where it’s better to bring your child. Let’s not forget about self-care either. Strategic use of the backup care sitters could give you a much needed break. Including when you’re recovering from illness or tending to your mental health.

And Ways to Find Your People

And of course, your local online parent groups are a resource where people exchange information about sitters, nannies, and daycare centers regularly. One of our fabulous guests Emily, gets help from older kids in her neighborhood. And many parents rely on a so-called, “Mother’s Helper.” Often a teen or tween, who is less experienced than a professional nanny or regular sitter. So, they still need your guidance but can help with basic child care often at lower hourly rates.

Paid Care is Out of Reach For Many

Many families can’t afford paid care. And for some, who might be able to afford paid care, they can’t find it. Some choose intergenerational living for grandparent care, if it’s workable. Or free-range their school-aged kids earlier than planned. If you can do so, in ways that feel safe and achievable, it can foster independence and teach skills that your child wouldn’t learn otherwise. Check the local laws where you live for when it’s considered okay for a child to navigate their community or a walking commute to school solo.

Some parents alternate their work shifts. So, if you’re partnered, and can work an opposite schedule (i.e. differnt days or hours) then one person is always at home. Although exhausting for full-time roles, it’s a solution that many families rely upon.

So, don’t feel obligated to take a childcare path that ultimately doesn’t fit your life circumstances or real needs. Although most of us struggle with the execution around coverage for our kids, so we can manage and grow in our careers, it can appear as if everyone else has it figured out. But it’s rarely the case. So avail yourself of every resource possible. And know, that whether your peers and friends discuss it or not, in the backdrop, most of us continue to plan and fret to get this right.

But There are Resources to Help Inform Your Options

• Care.com (my former employer) – large platform for families to search for caregivers and/or for caregivers to find jobs in your zip code.
• International nanny association (INA) – educational and compliance resources for nannies, caregivers and families, including the ability to browse their membership.
• YWCA – check to see if you have a local YWCA, most offer childcare programs and reasonable costs.

If you’re hiring a nanny or in-home caregiver, or you are a professional caregiver, take a peek at the following:

• Learn about the tax obligations, which vary by state but a good explainer is here.
• Non profit, Hand in Hand’s ‘How to be a good domestic employer’ resources including guides on nanny shares, taxes, and many other topics.
• Payroll and budget calculator for hiring a nanny
• National domestic workers alliance (NDWA) advocacy and support for professional caregivers and domestic workers.

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