“We all have traumas. But it took me a bit to acknowledge that my pregnancy and postpartum was traumatic. At the time, I knew it was bad but didn’t really understand why. In the throes of that I was so distraught. But I remember my Mom saying, ‘I know you’re going to write about this and use it to help other people.’ And I really held on to that,” said Dr. Rebekah Diamond, Pediatrician, Author, and Advocate.

How has Motherhood changed you? It fills us with a lot of love and purpose. We also get really strong, usually by pushing our bodies and minds further than we imagined. Sacrifice often precedes self-discovery. And many creative endeavors, from businesses to books, are launched as solutions to vexing problems. Rebekah had to reconcile her training in pediatric medicine and expectations about parenting, with her reality. Including a bumpy entry to Motherhood. She’s now instilling confidence in others with what she’s learned. Can advocacy become part of your path to healing? Learn how she approached it.

Acknowledge What You’ve Been Through

Many of the most powerful groups that advocate for change were started by survivors. Rebekah said, “Sometimes we suffer needlessly and sometimes it’s because life is full of suffering. I’m a deeply empathetic person and as cynical as I am, I’m optimistic we can use our connections to help people.” Most vulnerabilities, like compassion, are also strengths. Many so-called soft skills we’re socialized into, and gain as parents, get dismissed in the workplace but they’re critical for leadership. So, how can you tap into those superpowers?

When You’re Ready, Share Your Experiences

Rebekah said, “Being able to turn my negative experiences into more positive learning experiences, has been hugely therapeutic on a personal level.” We expect a lot of life’s milestones like marriage, parenting and even growing in our careers to be full of joy and sunshine.

But plot twists that come with personal growth tend to freak us out in the moment. However, that wisdom you gain, can help others. “So, if you’re able to incorporate some amount of outreach or advocacy into your own healing journey, I highly recommend it. I’m very lucky to be in a situation where I can do that because it’s been deeply rewarding.”

And Use Whatever Privilege You Have for Good

Rebekah uses her training as a Pediatrician to demystify conflicting advice online about parenting and managing our children’s health. She’s also candid about her own journey, including the challenges. As her social platform grew, she had to react to how others perceived her experiences. “I don’t know if guilty as the right word, but I felt almost attacked by the idea that things were easy for me. So, it was hard for me to reconcile that my suffering might be less than that of others. I understand my privilege and view it as a power that I wish others could have. So, I’m going to advocate for myself and others using this privilege, which has helped me to not internalize things.”

It’s Okay, Feel Your Feelings

Rebekah said, “Now, I tell people that if you feel like you’re suffering a lot but think you’re not ‘allowed’ to suffer because others are suffering more, of course you are allowed to feel the way you’re feeling.” We come to the work of advocacy with different backgrounds and levels of positional, social, and economic power. And it’s jarring to learn how systems failures that erode health and economic stability for all women, disproportionately hit women of color,  the disabled and other underrepresented groups. So, give yourself and others grace, as you navigate your needs.

Because it’s Part of Your Self-Care

In our research studies, Moms share their struggles to prioritize everything. From sleep, hygiene and nutrition, to career, healthy relationships and interests. Rebekah said, “My definition of self-care has changed in interesting ways since becoming a Mom. Although self-care has become this buzzword and we’re told that we ‘have to take care of ourselves’ it’s almost treated like an appendage. As if self-care is something you do when you’re not busy being a good parent.” Why yes, society sends confusing messages. We’re expected to prioritize everything and everyone else, often at the expense of our health. Yet we still feel badly when we can’t meet unreasonable demands.

And a Meaningful Part Daily Life

Rebekah said, “The true goal of self-care is taking care of and prioritizing yourself, not in a way that feels selfish or is selfish. It’s good to take care of yourself and feel confident in your choices to care for your mind and body. And it shows your child that’s a good goal.” Amen!

She added, “So, when I’m doing surface level self-care like going to yoga a few times a week it does something for me. But when I’m doing deeper level self-care, it’s thinking about how I’m feeling throughout the day. Like, not worrying about exactly what I say in response to a situation. Or not worry about taking a video of something I can use for social media and be present instead. Or actually taking care of myself and knowing it isn’t at odds with my parenting.”

So, Release the Guilt

Moms were breaking long before the pandemic. And we’re at greater risk for anxiety, depression, and a myriad of other stress-related illnesses. So, now as the mental health crisis grows, we see messages everywhere about the importance of self-care. But in most families Moms are still on point for childcare and running the household. So, unless it’s Mother’s Day, there’s very little discretionary time. And at work, organizations continue to pivot and expect more. And spending time on what restores us, is difficult to ritualize. Do we want the same for our children, especially, for our daughters?

And Break the Generational Pattern

Rebekah explains, “Self-care actually improves my parenting. Because I’m going to model it for my child and that’s when I feel like I’m in a deeper self-care place.” Let’s retire the guilt we’ve inherited about managing our health and energy. “It’s so easy to feel that the failings of society are somehow your failing. Somehow we’ve generalized that into feeling like bad parents. So, my biggest piece of advice although I know it’s cliché, is to be really kind to yourself. And if you’re going to be angry, turn it in the direction it needs to go.”

So, go on! If it serves you in this season, take what you’ve learned, find your community, and share your gifts to support others.

Many thanks to the talented Dr. Rebekah Diamond, MD!

Check out her amazing book, Parent Like a Pediatrician. All of the Facts, None of the Fear. And follow Rebekah’s great adventure on her website, Instagram, and Twitter.

———–

 Moms, protect time for your health. Learn about our member subscriptions.

Ready to put yourself back onto your to-do list? Take a TimeCheck.

Shared your story yet? Take our quick survey to change how workplaces support parents.

Employers, ready to rewrite hidden workplace rules? Become Allies@Work 

About Rebekkah:

Dr. Rebekah Diamond is from Connecticut and received her undergraduate degree from Yale University. She then was awarded her M.D. from the Mount Sinai School of Medicine. Following completion of her pediatrics residency training at the University of Michigan, she accepted a position as a pediatric hospitalist in New York City and Assistant Professor of Pediatrics at Columbia University, where she still works today.

Her training and practice mean that it is literally her job to stay up to date on all of the data behind what experts say are the safest and best choices for parents to make for their children.

She is also a mother of a young daughter, and knows firsthand the challenge of sorting through conflicting pediatrician and internet recommendations. It’s why she’s here to explain how pediatrician parents actually raise their own kids so you can make the safest, sanest choices for your little ones.

Yes, the Internet broke parenting. But she’s here to fix it.