“We’re sorry Leslie, but we’re letting you go,” my colleague said quietly. He didn’t have to say it because when he and my boss entered the room together, I knew. At this point there was a recession and a lot of people had already been laid off from my then employer, including quite a few friends, people I loved and relied on. But I thought I was safe…” This is an excerpt from chapter 2 of my book, Repair with Self-Care Your Guide to the Mom’s Hierarchy of Needs.
The lay off, from a job I loved during a recession, was the painful plot twist I never expected. This is not just your story, or my story, millions of mothers are pushed from the career ladder when they can least afford it. Not financially, emotionally or logistically. Although it’s particularly visible in this economy, sadly losing our professional footing after kids, is not new.
If you’ve faced a layoff, firing or forced exit, perhaps it came despite excellent performance reviews. Or maybe you felt undermined by your boss, culture or job conditions. Whatever path led to your forced career transition, just know you’re in excellent company. And now, without that what-if-worry, you’re free to reset your career in a direction that serves you. There are three key steps to keep in mind as you react to job loss, while in the swirl of raising a family.
Step One: Acceptance and Emotional Support
Forced Resets Are Draining
In our research study, most (87%) moms admit, dialing back on their career ambitions a lot (43%) or somewhat (44%) after kids. Although many want less hours or more flexibility over one third still seek career growth. So, if your career took an abrupt shift without your consent, you might feel untethered from more than your paycheck, but your identity.
After all, we spend decades studying, training and then years more polishing our professional gifts. It feels great to work in your “zone of genius“, energizing to work with smart, good people towards shared goals. However, if you think back, how did your job feel in in the months before the moment it all changed?
So is the Motherhood Penalty
We know, it’s not just AI displacing jobs because motherhood and traditional work never fit together neatly. You may wonder, ‘wait, what is the motherhood penalty?’ Well, it’s more than just a tax on earnings and leadership. It trims the opportunity-sphere and reduces our agency.
It’s also misnamed. When mothers earn less, families earn less. And the weight of what is really a “family penalty” combined with any regret, guilt or fear from job loss, can overwhelm you. However, there are many gifts from career reinvention. Even when it’s not on your timeline. You can emerge from forced transitions with greater fulfillment, commitment and clarity.
Accept How Much it Sucks
Job loss is as emotional as it is financial. Even if you dreaded Mondays, fantasized about quitting or worked for a modern Ebenezer Scrooge, forced change is still disruptive. Yes, often to finances but it also drains mental energy, personal boundaries and confidence. It adds new decision fatigue and change fatigue, when your brain is often already crispy from whatever transpired at work. If you are fortunate to have all of the money you need, there’s still the identity shift, change in relationships and loss of stability to contend with.
Seek Mental Health Support
On the Holmes-Rahe Life Stress Inventory scale, which measures severity of stress across changes in life circumstances “getting fired” is in the top 10. Along with loss of a spouse, divorce, separation, facing serious illness or injury. If you are suddenly unemployed, the grief cycle sets in.
So, consider mental health support. This can be formal like a therapist. However, if you feel depressed, distressed or unable to function, don’t wait to find a therapist start with your primary care doctor or a crisis help line.
Gather Strength from Your Community
A career or executive coach, can help with more than just tactical support for your job search. They can help you shift your mindset and put your transition into perspective. Ideally in ways that allow you to move forward with greater ease.
Your support networks, like former colleagues, friends, mentors and perhaps your family, can also help. Talk with people who will hear your side and whole heartedly support or ask questions to help you. It’s another important way to heal.
Decide How Much to Share with Your Kids
If your kids are babies or toddlers, they’re unlikely to understand it. During the layoff story I shared at the beginning, my then two-year old son was blissfully unaware my job status had changed. If your children are older, however, you may want to have an age-appropriate conversation. Especially if they send you multi-page, holiday wish lists or want a new toy every week.
You can explain your change in job status and any impact it has on your family priorities. Including financial ones, without placing the stress or responsibility on them. If you have this discussion, don’t only share the negative changes, like cutting the budget. Share the good ones too. Like taking breaks to play together more often. Joining the soccer games, college tours, or carving out more presence in ways that strengthen you and your bond.
Step Two: Get Clear on Changes to Your Financial Needs
Assess your Financial Runway
How long can your family meet critical expenses? You know, like your housing, transportation, food, childcare and other budget anchors. What about health insurance, do you have to move onto Cobra? If you are partnered, is your spouse’s health insurance an option? If not, do you have access to a plan in your state, through the national healthcare exchange or an Industry Association?
Get Support if You Can
Finances are shared so, try to come up with a plan together if you are partnered. Consider a financial planner to go deeper on your financial needs. If you’re worried about money, does the spreadsheet say it’s justified or is it your money mindset? If you don’t have a financial advisor, check your retirement account provider. Many of the large ones offer advisory services free of charge, however, that also means they’re more likely to recommend their products.
You can also build or update your budget using a spreadsheet but, if possible, get some expert advice too. Even if you pay for a one-time consult to help untangle the financial and tax implications of job loss or change.
Don’t Rush to Cut your Childcare
You already know finding great childcare is like winning the lottery. Because it’s freakishly expensive, time consuming to vet and once you have it, essential to your career. And in many cases, access to some semblance of self-care.
Time alone is critical to function. And caring for kids is very consuming. So, if you cut childcare prematurely to save money, it will likely disrupt your ability to find work. Unless you are choosing a career pause, fortunate to have grandparent care, or local family support.
Childcare is a Career Investment
We had a nanny who worked 50 hours a week during that layoff story I shared. I was worried about keeping her and we cut her hours to 40, the minimum for her contract for the 9 months of my job search. I also pivoted into part-time consulting work and without childcare, I wouldn’t have been able to generate that income or ultimately find a new job. Think about this strategically. If you are partnered, plan with your partner around shared childcare needs. Acknowledge it’s a household expense, not a personal one, connected to your salary alone.
Step Three: Define Your Transition Plan
Upgrade Your Self-Care Routine
Yep, that’s exactly what I meant, UPGRADE. If you’re not working and it wasn’t your decision, it’s very stressful. Reinvention also requires inspiration, energy and clear thinking to make moves that align with your needs. So, you need MORE self-care, not less. Refueling is both a personal and professional priority.
If you can, take that extra walk, extend your workout, jump back into your journal or start that meditation routine you’ve been craving. You can also take a virtual or in person class, doodle, paint, call your friends, or maybe just nap once in a while. Whatever restorative, top of the hierarchy practices you need more time for, this is imperative for you now.
Don’t Cut Every Self-Care Expense Either
What expenses “make sense” to cut? It might be tempting to cut everything discretionary like your therapist, gym membership, or personal trainer. However, I can’t overstate how much self-care will help anchor you and create the mental space you need for career transformation.
Revisit Your Proximity to Power
As you plan for what’s next, have a clear sense of whether the underlying structure for roles you want, actually support your needs. I had the good fortune to discuss this with Caroline Fairchild during a fireside chat about my career pivot for Duke’s Fuqua Business School alumni. In Caroline’s 5 part framework to redefine leadership roles and related risks, On New Terms. She explains, “We treat positional power, titles and a seat at the table and the size of the team reporting to you, as the whole game. But the power that actually determines the trajectory of your career is structural: the authority to set the terms under which the work happens.”
Redefine Your Personal Brand
When you can’t automatically introduce yourself as having X responsibilities for Y organization, it’s an adjustment. It might seem subtle, but when you have to say new things about yourself at a networking event, or party, it can be uncomfortable at first.
Practice introducing yourself in different ways with a friend. Find your new one-liner that feels grounded and empowered. You can become intentional with time about building a new personal and professional brand. It’s okay if it changes multiple times before you land where you need to.
Refresh or Expand Your Network
Okay, if you’re cringing right now at the idea of networking, I get it. Although we learn how important our professional networks are to ease career growth, in the trenches of pick-ups and drop offs, cold-season, and professional deadlines, the idea of spending extra time on your contacts might give you a headache. Here’s the deal, having others confirm your credibility or offer your name for new opportunities, is the most effective way to preserve your options through career transitions. Whether they’re forced or planned.
Six years ago, when I started Mom’s Hierarchy of Needs full-time, after a layoff I realized how few professional contacts I had in my local community. My corporate roles were always national or global and I didn’t spend time networking in my city, until I became a founder.
Plan Your Connection Points
You can use the holiday season social events to reconnect or meet new people in a values aligned way. It’s probably not an opportunity to ‘pitch’ yourself. But getting to know people without professional pressure, can be fun and easy. Especially if you’re committed to these activities anyway.
Determine Your Pivot Pace and Priorities
This chart is simplified but it’s intended as a thought starter to help you figure out what steps are likely to be the most fruitful. If you really need money like yesterday, then you have to make different choices than when you have at least a year before you need to find new income streams.
Align Your Situation to Your Strategies
Your Situation |
Possible Strategies |
| You’ve been given notice your job is ending, but you’re still in your role for some fixed period. | -Network as quickly as possible with internal colleagues, and those you work with externally.
-Secure referrals and recommendations for your LinkedIn profile. |
| You have a job but anticipate forced change within the next few months. i.e., based on an acquisition, AI automation, reorg or the nature your role. | -See above, do all of those things.
– In addition, if it’s psychologically safe, ask questions among your leaders, or with your manager. What’s changing? How are you perceived in the org and your role? What industry (or org) opportunities are surfacing? How can you align with growth areas?
|
| You are searching for a new job and need to replace your income immediately. | – Contact people you’ve worked with directly, or indirectly in the past year and ask for introductions or ideas about roles, industry events or consulting work. – Pursue other organizations, in the same industry and look for similar roles (in terms of scope and responsibility) or adjacent roles (i.e. same core skills or core knowledge) that are in a related industry space. |
| You are searching for a new job, but you don’t need to replace your income immediately. | -If you can pause and reflect on what “worked” and didn’t work in your career before this point, take that space. Journal, speak with a career coach or mentor.
– Network strategically, reconnect with existing and new contacts. – Conduct a listening tour, including with people in roles similar to what you want to do next. -Difference, in role, or industry or job scope typically means your search will take longer but not necessarily. Look for organizations that are connected to your previous industry, or where your industry expertise makes you especially valuable (i.e. a former educator moving into edtech or school systems work.)
|
| You’re planning to launch a consulting practice, find freelance or fractional work | -If you’re not sure whether it’s temporary or indefinite, you will probably be a “1099 contractor” but consult with your tax professional if setting up a business entity (like an LLC) is advised based on your circumstances and line of work. |
| You’re planning to start a business
|
-Get support or research what type of legal business structure (i.e. LLC versus others) are best for your business.
– Once you have the name, set up a business bank account, consider social media handles, website, etc. -Find the requirements in your state/local area for the business you’re planning. I.e. if it’s a food business you will need to meet certain regulations for labeling, and inspection. Determine if special licenses or certifications are required. – Also, a great use for a listening tour, expert podcasts, books, classes, industry events and workshops.
|
Give Yourself Time for the “Silver Lining”
I’ve been through forced job transitions more than once and it doesn’t feel good in the moment. People will tell you that it “will be better” when you move on to “the next thing” that couldn’t have happened, if your job didn’t end. And they are probably right. But in the moment, I know that’s not really what you want to hear. At least, I didn’t. You probably want to feel whole again and develop a plan that helps you move to what’s next.
Mom’s Hierarchy of Needs, would not exist if I had the smooth, professional journey I planned. This research and movement started because I felt disillusioned and disappointed with my career post-kids. There are many more stories in my book, Repair with Self-Care and lessons you can use to triumph, in whatever way you want to grow. Build a path that reignites your energy to heal from a fractured relationship to your career. Build something extraordinary, including the support infrastructure that suits your changing needs, dreams and ambitions, as a hands-on, loving mother.
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📚 Buy the book, Repair with Self-Care: Your Guide to the Mom’s Hierarchy of Needs.
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