“Raising two small children is very mentally and physically demanding and some days I am not 100%.”
“We don’t know we need mental health days until it’s too late.”
“Our teams can’t be so lean that we don’t have the option to take care of ourselves and our families for fear of not meeting the schedule.”
Who hasn’t been tested in the past 4 years? Over 3,700 parents, mostly Mothers (97%) have shared their work/life, health, and wellness needs since March of 2020. The reality is, a lot of our biggest stressors remain. So, many Moms have lost faith. Not only in the systems we live and work in, but in themselves.
Moms Can’t Care for Themselves in Isolation
And in our studies, we look at how Moms evaluate themselves, not how they’re judged by others. Including efficacy in their most critical roles. Self-care has always been challenging for Mothers. But now, most continue to do more things, that take more time, with less support. Like navigating short-staffed but critical systems, like healthcare, schools, and childcare.
In the newest update to wave 9 of our study, 79% cite doing terribly or “not as well as usual,” at self-care. Which is worse than in the spring of 2020. So, as we celebrate another Mother’s Day and mental health awareness month, where does that leave us?
And The Workplace Has Not Caught Up
Although Moms are regaining professional confidence, with 37% saying they’re doing “as well,’ ‘better’ or ‘really well” as workers. An equal amount (37%) cite doing ‘terribly’ or ?not as well as usual" Because the relationship between women and the workplace remains fragile.
Most Moms want their choices validated with stability. Especially in their financial lives. But being underpaid, and underfunded, relative to male peers only fuels discontent and suspicion with traditional work. Despite feeling mentally and physically drained, nearly one third (30%) want to advance their careers this year.
To Protect Our Mental Health
Caregiving for kids or adults, especially without the right support systems, impacts wellbeing. And more Moms are struggling to maintain their mental health. Sometimes, for reasons that have nothing to do with work/life. But countless studies say what we see. If the people, culture, or practices at work are toxic, it has a corrosive effect on wellbeing. Especially when it feels like another space for Moms to be ever present. Nineteen percent cite ‘guilt about not being available to their employers or coworkers’ as a barrier to self-care.
But Employers Can Meet the Moment
There are many workplace conditions that support mental health. But they need to be practiced. When asked, “what can your employer change to improve your wellbeing?” The answers were consistent with earlier waves of the study.
As many organizations return to in-office mandates, flexibility to work from home, nonstandard or reduced hours (27%) is at the top of the wish list. Followed closely by getting a raise (22%), more paid leave (21%,) and childcare subsidies (17%.)
Moms Need Their Efforts to Be Seen
“It would just be nice to be seen for all the extra I am putting in to do an excellent job. I don’t have to be excellent so, it would be nice to get the acknowledgment that I am going above and beyond what I was initially hired on to do.”
Women drown in unpaid, largely invisible work at home. No one wants that echoed in their professional lives. If you’re in the paid workforce, career visibility matters to growth, compensation, job and financial security.
In Spaces that Are Psychologically Safe
“I feel very open and safe with my employer.”
“Work is the only place I feel somewhat relaxed at the moment.”
Although it’s not the norm (less that 4% in our study) we heard from a few Moms who feel comfortable asking for what they need at work, even if they can’t get what they want.
Flexible and Equitable
“(I need) PROPER MATERNITY LEAVE, and proper hours so that I am able to be a parent.”
“I just don’t have time for me. I go to work, pick baby up and then home.”
“Return to work after FMLA can’t be, just pick everything back up and get running. Mental health during the pandemic affects me NOW, I will not be the same person I was before kids and pre-pandemic – please stop asking me to be.”
There are some improvements to pregnancy and postpartum legal protections at work. But we still lack protected paid leave in the US. Some Mothers return to work within a couple of weeks of childbirth, for financial reasons. But most Moms need more access to paid leave or paid time off for family care. Whether they have newborns, older children, kids with complex medical needs, aging parents, or their own chronic conditions.
With Leaders Who Are Empathetic
“Some employees are single parents with little to no support systems doing the best they can. And worrying about losing your only means of providing because of that is more stress added to the plate.”
“My ADHD and my bipolar depression causing it (to be) hard to get in the car to drive to the office. If I could work from home on those days, I would get so much more done than in the office.”
“(I wish they understood) living with alcoholism in our family and adult ADHD.”
Families are navigating a lot. Including trauma, grief, divorce, mental illness, substance use, and caring for those with serious illnesses or special needs. Employers haven’t always been accommodating when Moms can’t deliver results on their timelines. But the relationships, between organizations and the people who work there, have to be reciprocal for it to last.
But You Can Get More Self-Care Support, Starting With Your Benefits
Many employee benefits plans have everything from back-up childcare or eldercare and dependent spending accounts, to Headspace and gym access. And the lists can be so long, you may not notice all of your options during benefits season. Employee Assistance Plans can be incredible to help you navigate a time sensitive need for mental health support. Or you can speak with a primary care doctor or provider to find a therapist. So, take a closer look at the benefits you may have available to you. Whether it’s from your employer or your partner’s.
And Through Self or Group Advocacy
Moms are subject to all types of workplace bias so, it may be difficult to have an open discussion. – But if you are able to have a candid conversation with your manager, start by sharing the benefits of providing you with more flexibility. Or how to make an ongoing need to shift your schedule work well for everyone.
If you need more than a mental health day, due to depression, anxiety or exhaustion, consider whether FMLA leave is a possibility. If so, start with your Human Resources group and request a confidential conversation to explore options. And if you’re fortunate to have an employee resource group for parents or caregivers, there’s wisdom in community. People are generous with their advice, and resources to help you problem-solve.
This Mother’s Day and every day, remember that you need and deserve time for rest, self-care, and supportive environments, at home and in your career.
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